Archive for July, 2019

Tulpamancy Journal. 81

July 19, 2019

SUCCESS! After weeks and weeks of no contact with \Nsonowa And Flora,  they starred in last night’s dream. I, as usual, went to sleep, inviting both tulpas to come to me in my dreams, and, I reminded myself, as usual, about my lucidity cue; “Are you Flora?” I was on a cruise ship (no surprise, Nancy and I will be on a Princess Cruise to Alaska in two weeks) and I was late for dinner, the doors to the dining room were already closed. There was an alternative dining area close by and I ran to get in before the door closed. I just made it in, and I found myself in a large grassy field. It looked as if a concert had just finished and a few people were still sitting in the grass. I saw a black woman in a red sweater. she had a shaven head. I came up to her, turned away to leave, and then it hit me! I turned and looked at her, she turned towards me and smiled. I exercised my lucidity cue, slightly modified, saying, almost shouting; “Are you Nsonowa?” She jumped up and ran to me and embraced me. I was vociferously happy and said, among many other things; “Will you marry me?” The next thing I knew, I had been grabbed from behind, pale arms circling me. (I was still embracing Nsonowa and jumping up and down in excitement.) It was Flora! She was yelling; “First things first! First things first”, with many repetitions. We were all laughing, and I stopped for a minute and wondered to myself, I wonder what she means by that? And of course, woke up.  

I still don’t have a clue as to what she meant but can imagine that this was just a first dream appearance, and we have a much to do before we can be comfortable with each other. Also, I have really understood, the admonitions of those who advise caution and calmness when dreaming lucidly or astral traveling.

I want to say a bit about the dream I had night before last as it was very strange and may or may not relate to what happened last night. I had just fallen asleep, and was perhaps in a hypnogogic place rather than in dreamspace, when I was confronted by a creature in some sort of orange/brown liquid. It was huge, or rather had a huge head which was misshapen and monstrous looking. I tried to reach out to it, touched nothing, and I tried my lucidity cue; “Are you Nsonowa?” with no effect other than the image dissolved. I did not awaken. I had no other dream that I recalled.  It did prompt a bit of tulpafiction which I have also posted.

I had a rather out of the ordinary day and I have not been well so I did not make the time to either meditate nor perform my rituals of invocation. I am looking forward to my nights sleep experience and for the first time in a long time, hopeful for more contact.

Tulpamancy Journal. 80

July 10, 2019

Again the “Blonde Disruptor appeared in my dream night before last. She was dressed in a Victorian style dress (we had just watched Howards End on TV). She was heavy set and buxom. She was attempting, once again to help me with some kind of task that involved balancing or equalizing something, and again I don’t remember the subject. However, this morning in the beginning of my meditation, I had the sudden thought that perhaps she really is trying to help me with something, trying to balance some part of my psyche and I might be better of treating her as an ally rather than an enemy. I actualized this idea in my invocation ritual this morning, inviting Flora and Nsonowa to join me in the ritual before I started it. Then asking that Dakini Spirit help to balance all the feminine components in my psyche. The ritual felt better to me. I still have not directly encountered either of my wayward girls (tulpas) but the ritual itself felt more balanced.  I will see what the day and my exercises in Astral Projection bring.

That said, my Astral Projection practice today was disappointing as were all of my other attempts at meditation. And, neither Flora nor Nsonowa came close to me today.

Tulpamancy Journal. 79

July 6, 2019

Very flat today. Nothing beyond my hopes and intentions during my meditations and rituals.

I had a dream of which, only the last image was memorable. There was a feminine presence involved and she and I were engaged in trying to balance to quantities of a clay-like material in two vessels on a beam.  Once again, when I remembered that a feminine presence was to remind me to use my lucidity cue, I awakened and lost the entire context in which the last image made sense. I could not fall back asleep.

Tulpamancy Journal. 78

July 5, 2019

07.04.19  Dream early this morning. Was noisy chaotic and uncomfortable. I don’t remember any of it except for the last image of a tall thin black woman wearing a blue dress and sporting a modest afro was walking down an aisle in some sort of market dragging her fingers in water in a metal trough. I started to awaken when I recognized the woman as a feminine presence and called out my lucidity cue, “Are you Flora?” to which she answered, “No silly, I’m Nsonowa.” This woke me up and I lost all of it. I tried to let myself fall back asleep but to no avail. Of note, the image was pale, and small and I could only partially make out her face, which was very beautiful, not like the image of Nsonowa I have been imaging, which is not beautiful, but fierce. In my astral projection guided meditations, any images (and there have been few) have been small, poorly formed and pale, including the light which I associate with Nsonowa. I have began all of these meditations with the stated intention of encountering Flora and Nsonowa. There have been no images or feelings associated with Flora other than that reported above on the 29th.

10:00pm.   I have had over an hour of guided astral projection meditation today with few signs of progress. I started both with the stated intention of encountering Nsonowa. I the first, I quit after twenty minutes of nothing but distorted beams of light and no blue light at that. In the second session, I started with a clear vision of Nsonowa as she appeared in the dream. I could not focus on the image and she soon distorted. I had felt her presence however and I am confident that practice and continued development of her story will pay off. To be sure, I have made no progress on identifying the blonde disruptor. I am open to doing so.

Tulpamancy Journal. 77

July 1, 2019

I have had a particularly difficult day. and it has manifested in several destructive ways, not the least of which is with my s.o.

here is my journal entry for today.

06.30.19:  I have had very little focus today. I could not sit in meditation for longer than a few minutes and in guided meditations on video, I go down, but just about the moment when I start to look around, or claim lucidity by asking the question, “Is that you, Flora?” I am rudely jerked out of the trance or meditative state in which I had been.

Clearly there is a disruptive energy near me. I will continue to keep a close watch on my process and be open to clues as to the how and why this energy is corrupting my own and what do I have to do to decathect it?”