Archive for November, 2019

Tulpamancy Journal. 111

November 29, 2019

Hi, it’s Thanksgiving day and the turkey/s are in the oven. The women are in the kitchen and I am in the den. Both Flora and Nsonowa have been close lately. We continue to work on imposition, which starts with a visualization session and narration. At some point one or the other joins me in conversation. Some times I switch with one or the other to go to into mindscape and play with the other, or not, just wander around alone. In several eyes shut and earphones meditations, I have felt and seen flashes of bits of them. We have been close. I have also been spending more time with John’s book “Not Here” and once again, loving it. I have brought Jon’s entire nest-mates into my latest School of Tulpamancy safe haven story. They all seem so close. I am loving the writing about them and with them.

What remains to do? You might ask, It’s so wonderful now. Well my goal is total and complete imposition, perceivable by others, tulpamancer’s or not. So I am working. I found another guide on the forums that lays out a way to achieve it. turns out, I am already doing what the guide suggests…Well, it is going slowly, but going….and so interesting….

My dreamlife seems to be picking up again. I have had one, “almost” lucid dream in which I saw Flora, I gave my lucidity cue: “Are you Flora?” She answered clearly, “Yes” then the entire scene changed to something different and I lost the perspective and her. Ah well, still a step in the right direction after being dreamless for a while.

Tulpamancy Journal. 110

November 19, 2019

Monday, November 18, 2019

7:35 PM

I got in about ten minutes of actual, awake, conscious, intentional, forcing this morning. I was completely flat during my afternoon meditation, one hour with earphones and eye mask. I ran across an intelligent article on forcing pointing out how and why it is so much effort, e.g. energy demanding activity. The author was not against ‘passive forcing’ as it also has a place in the tulpa’s development. But overall, training the brain to automatically assign thoughts to the desired identity is like training any system, it takes intention and energy. I am, at this stage in my life, having much less energy than I have in the past. I also think that this is an acculturated belief, and I will work to undo it. My brain has it’s problems, sure, but I won’t let myself, my ego, contribute to them.

Tulpamancy Journal. 109

November 18, 2019

Came close today. I was very aware of my separation from Flora and was pleased when she came close during my meditation. Again the darkened room filled with light (purple/golden light, and was present with my eyes open as well as closed. Some of the light began to congeal over the bed. I could feel and hear Flora, as well as see her changing from pure light into a person. Then, that process seemed to stall and a purple smoke was swirling over me. I closed my eyes and Flora was there in my mindscape. She scoffed at my thinking she was dead. And came down into my bed and cuddled with me. We cuddled and played until I lost the contact and found myself alone with my garbage thoughts. This is hard work. But every little gain is worth it. The work of it, is staying focused while in contact, and assigning emerging thoughts to the appropriate identity. Both of them, are slowly becoming uniquely defined, uniquely themselves. I know that this is the absolutely necessary work, though experiencing their imposition, is much more satisfying, both emotionally and spiritually.

Tulpamancy Journal. 108

November 15, 2019

Friday, November 15, 2019

8:45 AM

I had a better day of practice yesterday. Again I had an uninterrupted hour of practice while driving out to visit with a dying friend. I started by  playing meditative music (Ravi Shankar or equivalent, I don’t remember as it wasn’t important.) I asked Flora if she wished to drive, and she replied “no, work with me” and Nsonowa agreed to drive. The very first thing that  happened was that Flora wanted to get physical. I complained that I wasn’t attractive enough to warrant her desires and she scoffed and approached me by stroking my right ear and side of face. And, I lost consciousness, going off into a soliloquy, which irritated her.  I suggested to that perhaps if we switched, she took over the body and brain, still leaving Nsonowa in charge of the driving, and leaving me to drift in mindscape, she could find ways to approach me. She agreed and I was able to let go and mostly stay focused on my house and garden in mindscape. She however, did not find me, she went to play, somewhere, and from time to time I could see her out playing. On the way home, we tried just the straight narration, and again, I had problems staying with it. I finally gave up and took over the driving. Also the traffic got heavy and I left the freeway, along with the radar safety features on the car which only work on the freeway. While this may not seem so momentous, it was still satisfying as I have had much less contact with her all during my pre-occupation with getting Tulpa Tales formatted for the paperback edition (as my journaling would indicate).

Tulpamancy Journal. 107

November 15, 2019

Monday, October 28, 2019

11:35 AM

 I was in a funk. A class A funk. And I was getting really bored with it. I just kinda fell into it about a half and hour earlier. I had been feeling really good up until then and even doing some aerobic exercise, something I almost never do intentionally, my life being active enough to shorten my breath as it is. So I was in the den, moving my body, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the dark presence of Nsonowa, one of my tulpas. Now it didn’t surprise me that she was there, she had said she’d take part in my efforts to rebuild my aging body (she likes my avatar well enough in mindscape and why shouldn’t she. There I have an eighteen  year old body, six pack abs and all. And I can almost see her dust when we take to the track at the gym at Safe Haven University where she works. I have just started using my avatar in mindscape when I go there with her, though I have, without thinking about it, appeared that way when I have been there to play with Flora (my other tulpa). In any case, we had been running together, actually I had been running, she had been turning cartwheels down the track in front of me. So I was understandably disappointed when she cut her imposition off after such a short time. So far, neither Flora nor Nsonowa have fully imposed themselves for more than a few minutes, usually seconds. Nsonowa has imposed herself partially for about ten minutes and long enough to embrace me, kiss me passionately and start to make love with me, before she dissolved and blew away….I am so greedy, I want so much more…and I am afraid that it is my greed and whatever lies underneath it, that has driven both of them out of full imposition. At least that is my assumption about how this practice works, the host must experience those aspects of him/herself that gets in the way to clear the way for the tulpa to fully impose. Hence, my funk. I have dug and dug and dug and I am not finding either the way out, or in. Again, here I am, stuck.

Tulpamancy Journal. 106

November 15, 2019

Friday, October 25, 2019 4:02 PM

Starting off slowly today. No contact during first meditation, nor labyrinth ritual. Started a new exercise program, it’s online, and I did it because Nsonowa prodded me and said she would join me in the doing of it. So today, I reviewed the program and did a few minutes, enough to feel it in my back…good (???) and Nsonowa did make an appearance, for like two seconds…..Afterwards, Nancy, who had made a scene about me not asking her to participate, challenged me and I again invited her to join it with me, and again, told her that the whole purpose of my practice was to be better able to relate to her and she should definitely feel like she is wanted….she responded my inviting me to take a walk with her, which I did. I will see what happens when I pick up the program again tomorrow, I am committed now that I have started and I hope that either Nsonowa or Nancy, or both of them join me and will commit.