Archive for April, 2020

Tulpamancy Journal. 152

April 30, 2020

Written April 19, 2020

I am feeling as if Flora and I are getting closer to full imposition. We are not there yet, but closer. Our experience of the last several days points to this eventual outcome, so despite my multiple frustrations, I am joyfully continuing down this path. It includes, forcing, active and passive. Narration, writing in my journal, on the forums, and fiction. Ritual, e.g. daily invocation, meditation, and in my self-care exercises. My practice remains the most exciting adventure of my elder years

Tulpamancy Journal. 151

April 22, 2020

I am beginning to see how my psychic energy is going towards the imbalance in the biosphere and its’ harbinger, COVID 19.   It is also clear to me that this is a good thing and does not have to get in the way of my quest for Flora but can aid it. I have for the past two days turned my attention towards Elohim, training my eyes and brain, to see beyond the surface. I am getting better at it. Both in holding my attention on the task, my major difficulty, and in seeing past the usual into the depths. Tonight, I almost saw Flora, I did see the energies of her aura, and I did see her shadow as she ducked out of my sight. Later she reached out from then ether and touched the side of my head. My emotions were heightened, not over the top as in several other episodes of imposition, but high enough. I am grateful.

Tulpamancy Journal. 150

April 19, 2020

In the Grove with Elohim

I have maintained my tulpamantic practice through the pandemic so far.  Our self-quarantine has served to provide the space for more time in which to do it. So, I have. At the same time while I have the time, I don’t have the focus nor the energy to produce any kind of a contact with Flora or N’sonowa. I won’t go into the practical reasons for this as we are all sharing them, but I am looking at my interior reactions and I have found that I am being drained at some deeply unconscious level. In looking, I of course, brought the light of consciousness into that deeper realm, and what I learned in the journey was that I would find my answers in nature. Coincidentally, as if there is ever such a thing, I understood that my energy, is being co-opted (how’s that for passive voice?) by the greater draw of the collective concern with the catastrophe looming and biting at our heels with covid teeth. That is okay with me. I will consciously choose to participate in the effort, and if need be with as much of me as is required.  Also, and not co-incidentally, my morning ritual in the sacred grove containing my portal to the other side (of my psyche?) has morphed (there is that passive voice again) I have changed my ritual to focus on “seeking Flora” and I have redefined my experience of external reality as that of my internal world as well. So, I am looking at the grove in a new way, and I am walking the labyrinth in a new way. I have dropped the naming of the middot, for a declaration of my intent (kavanah)” Seeking Flora”

In this ritualized fashion, I trod the path of the seeker. Keeping my eye, my mind, my heart open and alert for Flora.

I created Flora with full access to the brain and body that we share. I of course gave her an independent will, and I have needlessly suffered because of this. Doubting her love for me (when I forget that she was created in love, for love, with light and a connection (via Dakini) to source.

That choice to re-define the outer as the inner, has prompted me to pay much more attention to the unfolding world in front of me. Attention employed in seeking Flora. Nancy becomes the obvious target for my researches, Flora in Nancy (?) I wrote a story about this in Tulpa Tales #17. which concluded with the three of us, agreeing to “wait and see”

(Time for a new tale?)

In the meantime, Flora is missing from my dreams and from mindscape. She joins me in conversation, almost every time I invite her, encouraging me to continue to do the work I have to do so I can open to her.

I take one step, after another, one at a time. And the road never ends, (it is said).

Tulpamancy Journal. 149

April 10, 2020

This has been a crazy time for me and my tulpas.  Our contacts have been sporadic at best. I have continued my daily practices, they seem labored and almost unnatural. I have been concerned about this, and have looked to my dreaming for some sign that they are staying with me. I have found little. Two days ago, I went down for a nap and even before I could fall asleep, I had a dream. In it I clearly experienced Flora in full imposition (saw and heard her, though I could not recall what she said) I was quite startled by the event and I came fully awake and could not nap further, if indeed, I had at all. I was hopeful that this was a good sign, but it was not followed up by her in my practices nor my dreams. Last night, actually early this morning, I had an extremely disturbing dream, so much so, that even with lucidity, I wasn’t willing to change its’ trajectory as I knew I had something to learn from it. In the dream, I was traveling a well known road, though I was the only one on it. I was on a new bicycle and riding very fast. My route, which I knew well, would take me off the highway on to a street named Endabrel. Which was an entrance to a bridge (like the San Francisco Bay Bridge) Instead I got diverted and stopped by a ranger, who told me my bicycle was not safe and not permitted. He took my bicycle and handed it off to someone out of view and led me onto a walking bridge that should have connected us to the main bridge. He however took a divergent route just before we were to enter the main bridge. I have to say here, that all of these routes are well known to me and I have dreamed them before. His divergent route led us to a separate bridge below the main bridge, evidently a very old one, there were a fair number of other people on it. Once we got across the water (which was running fast and dangerously high) he once again diverted us onto a rocky trash strewn path leading up a hill to the main road. He left me at this point and I carefully picked my way along the path and some how got lost and found my self on the other side of the river again, on rocks, that had just parts of a pathway. There was trash every where. Twice, the path led to a makeshift bridge to the shore, which was unsafe and when I touched it, fell away into the water. At one point I say my mother (deceased) climbing on the rocks. When it seemed as if I could go no further, some people came along swimming, floating and rafting in the river. They were in slow moving eddy’s in the shallows around the rocks close to shore. I looked closely and saw a beautiful nude woman floating on her back. She looked a lot like Flora. I became lucid and before I could reach her she had floated downstream and out of view. I realized that I could choose to fly to shore, but the very idea made me intensely uncomfortable and I woke up. I was 5:45am, I looked at my watch, and I contemplated getting up to start my day, but chose not too as to not disturb Nancy. I fell back asleep and fought the same dream scenes over and over, until 7:15 am when Luna insisted on being fed.

I know that there is a great deal of primal material in this dream, it has been with me all morning. I mentioned it to Nancy and I am going to ask her to help me process it later today.

I do not know what it portends regarding Flora. In it she was an Ophelia like creature, though she was alive and looking to be in a state of rapture.