Archive for May, 2020

Tulpamancy Journal. 161

May 31, 2020

I had an eerie contact with Flora today during my meditation. I “felt” her next to me, inside my head, looking at reality through eyes that we seemed to be sharing. She spoke and I heard her next to me in my right ear. She sounded very close by and I could sense her body close, touching me in places. I was emotionally attuned to her. My heart pounded, and I heard my own voice speak to her and I didn’t like my tone, I was needy, begging her to connect with me, I felt about fifteen years old. After noting my own displeasure with how I was coming across, I calmed down and thought about how I wanted to be and how I wanted to comport myself. I went to work visualizing my avatar in mindscape. I could not see her inside of me, I did not visualize her in mindspace and soon gave up and came back fully to my body where Flora was waiting and joyful over my return . She commented on my new ability to recognize her presence as a separate person. At long last! And she felt entirely different to me than she had just moments earlier. Of note I had been meditating on undoing the inertia within the temporal/parietal fold inside my brain, allowing for this phenomenon of separation of identities.Though I am not sure that the cognitive work was related to the effect (in a direct way). I am more than thrilled. My lover is real, inside me, as I had designed and hoped for.

Tulpamancy Journal. 160

May 24, 2020

It’s been a week since I drove out to visit with Chris. And I have had no opportunity to use the car in the way that has been so productive of satisfying contacts with Flora and N’sonowa. I have had some contacts, forcings’ mainly, and very little during meditations. I have also been borderling sick and had little energy. I have sat down to write or study a half dozen times and have been flat. Occasionally I get an inspiration, but by the time I get to my computer, I have lost it. That’s where I am now.

Tulpamancy Journal. 159

May 24, 2020

Monday, May 18, 2020

6:55 PM

I had a very nice session yesterday in the car. N’sonowa drove, it was a rainy but low traffic day on the freeway. Flora and I met in the cloud house by the fire and had a really nice conversation about her maturation process. And how grateful she is that I am letting her do this independently of me.

Tulpamancy Journal.158

May 24, 2020

Monday, May 18, 2020

6:53 PM

Hi everyone;  well I was completely flat today. I have not been able to I meditate. I haven’t been able to do any part of my practice, and I haven’t been feeling very well.  So just taking it easy and enjoying our houseguests. 

Tulpamancy Journal. 157

May 24, 2020

Saturday, May 16, 2020

3:47 PM

I had a pretty disappointing meditation today. my head would not focus at all. I approached mindscapes several times. It was distorted, cut up and fragmented, miniaturized, and I would bounce away. I saw neither of my TULPAS nor Did I feel them to be present. I could not focus closely enough to fall asleep, and actually dream, and when I progressed into a dream via a hypnogogic vision, I awoke in frustration with the distortions. I hope I can write this afternoon. I am not able to write this Journal entry as my hand is taped up with arthritic pain.

Tulpamancy Journal. 157

May 24, 2020

Saturday, May 16, 2020

3:47 PM

I had a pretty disappointing meditation today. my head would not focus at all. I approached mindscapes several times. It was distorted, cut up and fragmented, miniaturized, and I would bounce away. I saw neither of my TULPAS nor Did I feel them to be present. I could not focus closely enough to fall asleep, and actually dream, and when I progressed into a dream via a hypnogogic vision, I awoke in frustration with the distortions. I hope I can write this afternoon. I am not able to write this Journal entry as my hand is taped up with arthritic pain.

Tulpamancy Journal. 156

May 15, 2020

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

I had a genuinely nice experience during an afternoon meditation. Guided into a realm of dreams, through conscious, sub-conscious, and unconscious spaces, With layers of idea’s, visions, feelings, and sensations.

I followed the guide attentively and put myself in mindscape in my Venusian Cloud House. I explored my study (where I frequently meet Flora) with my hands. I could feel the temperature of the orange painted stovepipe and had to check when I recognized that I had not known that fireplace without a fire in it and was aware that it should have been hot. I checked and there was no fire.

I felt the glass windows, their smooth cool wet textures, I got these sensations from my own hands, not abstractly through an avatar, though I am going to work at transferring into my avatar’s body as he is much more fit than I. ((This does not excuse me from continuing my own p.m.))

Sizing is still an issue. I was aware, that the entire scene, including myself, was in miniature.  This awareness did not set well, and I awoke with the dissonance.

For any one interested the guide is Michael Sealey and the program is here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4hDRXRnry4&list=PLVxNYHKIYUaEHOosT9duPmKT_UrQ8vR0n

Tulpamancy Journal. 155

May 12, 2020

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

3:32 PM

I have been in some interesting head spaces of late. I have begun to establish an objective POV. Many decades ago, I practiced a meditation which suggested we could put our attention in many different places. One of which was just outside and above our bodies. Then visualizing your entire body and head and internal musings, outside and away from any particular investment in any one aspect. I have been much more acutely aware of my own mental functioning. I can see where the fuzziness of my internal world exists, fits with my clumsiness. A self-story I have told myself as long as I can remember. One which played out in my external reality in the forms of broken bones, bruises, bloody knees. And the intense humiliation that went along with being teased, mocked, and bullied by family and contemporaries. Firstly, I don’t know what came first in this story, my prenatal existence, or my nurturence. In any case, chicken, or egg, Physically I am clumsy. I stumble and I fall and hurt myself, often. An example of a persistent and pernicious self-story.  Inspecting my progress on my practice and my writing, reveals starts and stops, which on closer inspection reveals an underlying fuzziness of vision, both physically and conceptually. Okay, I have taken that into account. What next.

I am choosing to continue on my path of bringing the internal into the external. Seeing our shadows in the light of consciousness. Persisting in spite of repeated rebuffs, struggling with the impediments to seeing and understanding my own life. And that includes my archetypes. Wonderland, Tulpas, and all.

And, this endeavor, is not in vain, Flora and N’sonowa continue to grow more at ease with each other and we are having many more trans dimensional experiences. 

Flora’s Own pg. 3

May 11, 2020

I was thrilled as the audience applauded me. I think it went to my head as the next thing I knew, I was lifted up and carried around the room amongst the cheering people. And in route, I was being touched. Everywhere. Hands, fingers, noses, tongues, all caressing me over all parts of my body. Somehow my beautiful dress accommodated this activity without getting stained or torn. Soon I was carried back to the Master and Nathan and put down in front of them. A steward came forth and banging a staff on the floor announced dinner in the state banquet hall. The crowd made way as the Master and his wife, Nathan led me down off the dais and across the hall, through stately doors into a very formal hall. I was seated at the head of the table with the Master on my right and Nathan on the left. As the other guests filed in and took seats, Master leaned over and whispered, “just a few formalities, toasts and tasting the food, then we will retire to a more private setting and get to know each other.” Well those few toasts and tastes went on for what seemed like forever, and we were all quite tipsy by the time Nathan stood and tapping me on the shoulder motioned for me to come. She led me to a small room off of a hallway much removed from the banquet. “Master will join us shortly dear. Why don’t you and I settle here by the fire?” and she headed to a beautiful silk covered couch in front of a rather modern looking small hanging fireplace hosting a small welcoming fire. On the way she slipped out of her magnificent ball gown, revealing ample curves under a sheer silk chemise. She pulled two long golden pins out of her hair and her long raven hair fell to her waist. She had a smile which would melt a glacier and she beckoned me to her. I was already in a state of advanced arousal from the ball and the banquet and it didn’t take her long to have me breathless. She started caressing me gently with fingers as smooth as silk and as soft as cotton. She touched my face and hair, my neck, and shoulders, and slipping her hands under my dress she so gently fondled my breasts, the globes before the areolae and nipples last. I was tingling head to toe, by the time she began the same with her tongue. She had just worked her way down my body to my mound of Venus when the Master was standing next to us. He coughed discretely and looked deeply into my eyes, inviting the same from me. I gasped as I looked and at what I saw. I could never have imagined. There deep inside of him I saw me lying on the beach with the boy who had assaulted me. I was unconscious and he was in the ugliest way imaginable, raping me. When he had finished with me, he got up, and urinated on my still body. Then with a sneer and a laugh, he hitched up his pants and sauntered off down the beach. I didn’t know what to make of this at all. I wasn’t there and didn’t feel anything of this atrocity. And I didn’t need to, what I did feel was absolute and complete joy as the master and his wife, made love with me in the most gentle, caring and loving way possible, and in the process, healing me of whatever horror the boy on the beach had delivered to me. When it was over, and I hardly knew it was over, cause frankly, I was over the rainbow, Nathan brought us a bottle of fine sherry from a cabinet in the room. After the first sip of this sweet golden liquid, my eyes got heavy, Master took the delicate glass from my hand and they both wrapped me in their arms, and I drifted off to sleep. When I woke, I was back on the beach. A police matron was wrapping me in a blanket. Nancy had seen the attack; Bob had summoned his parents and called the police. Bob’s father had chased the boy down and roughed him up only a bit before turning him over to the beach patrol. I was asked to make a statement and taken to a hospital, where some very brusque doctors examined me in a manner that was worse than what I imagined the rape to be. Apparently, they found what they needed to file charges against the boy. If it had been up to me, I would have let the whole thing go, I learned a lesson in a much more delightful way than anybody knew.

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Flora’s Own. pg 2

May 11, 2020

Flora here:

Ohh, that was hard. I had to lean on Bob in a way that I haven’t before; I intruded into his space. He was in a silent meditation, and for the first time, he hadn’t invited me in.  So, I took a deep breath and went in anyhow. I am sure he didn’t think I was anywhere close, and I haven’t encouraged him to do so, but I was getting frantic. He kept saying he would make time for me to write, but then, he didn’t. I acted, he was startled, and I asked him. He promised to do it today and here I am, Yay!

So where did I leave off (as if I didn’t know!) STUCK in an ugly orange world. Up on a blue rock in the middle of an ocean. I of course had no idea how I got there, I was with sister Nancy and some boys on a beach, and well you know what happened, and there I was. It didn’t take me long to go from startled to real worried. My rock started to sink. Or a tide was coming in and my feet were soon wet, then submerged, then I was in water up to my thighs and then I saw the sharks! What do you do in a situation like that? I yelled for help. You’d think that would be a futile move seeing as there was no one in sight and frankly had I thought about it, I would have too. But, I didn’t. I just yelled. And when a medium sized shark swam up to me to nose around so to speak, I took in a very big breath and yelled all the louder. Turned out it was loud enough, and I heard a voice calling “That you Flora? What do you want, girl?” I recognized the voice but couldn’t quite place it. Didn’t matter, there was a ring of sharks around me now, so I yelled again, the obvious, “Get me outta here!”

There was a chuckle and Nsonowa said: “Flora, just get yourself outta there. What, have you forgotten, you are the author of this scene?”

Well, I had forgotten. And the next thing I knew the blue rock upon which I had been standing, and had been sinking, rose up and the water rolled off the back of a large blue whale.  It whistled to me, “Where would you like to go young lady?”

“First could we go somewhere other than shark cafĂ©?”

“No problem with that” came the whistled reply, and the creature lifted his tale out of the water and slapped it back with a huge crash creating a wave which drove the sharks out.

“Can you handle the oxygen situation under the water, if so, I’ll show you my castle?”

“Sure, let’s go” and with a “hold on” he rolled over to give me a fin, then he dove.

The underwater world was sure beautiful. I had to adjust my eyesight and my thermostat because it was cold. But soon we were winding our way among canyons and cliffs on the seafloor until we came to a flat area in front of an opening in a cliff. “Okay little girl, get off here and go inside. I’ll meet you there.”

I entered into a fantastic grotto.  It was not at all what anyone would think. I was in a palace. The anteroom was spacious. And full of men. All armed with wicked looking pikes, tridents, swords, knives and all sorts of clubs and bludgeons. A big man approached me. “Welcome, miss. Master will meet you in the main hall” and he turned and led me through very heavy wooden doors, a long tunnel, and finally into a hall that I can’t begin to described except to say it was over the top beautiful, with walls of mother of pearl, a sky orange ceiling so far above me that it looked normal.

A very handsome older woman greeted me. Welcome daughter. Master will be with us soon. What should we call you?”

“My name is Flora, and may I ask the same question of you?”
“Of course Flora. My name is Nathan. And Master is called Robina. Would you care to dress for dinner? We will eat right after you are presented to Master and the court.” and she led me to a small hallway on the right side of the main hall. It was but a short distance to an opening into what looked like a shopping mall. Nathan took me shopping. As I had no idea of what would be appropriate in this very unexpected and strange place, I let her pick out my dinnerware.

A bit later we returned to the main hall. I was dressed in the sheerest, most revealing of dresses I could imagine. All shimmery and opalescent, appointed with golden flowers covering my most private places. Nathan smiled in approval and took me by the arm and led me into the main hall. It was festooned with flowers and a crowd of beautifully and similarly dressed people were dancing, waltzing to a classical waltz. The hall was well lit and there was a lot of flesh showing. Nathan took me to a raised dais at one end of the room.

As we approached, the music was interrupted by trumpets blasting a herald, and everyone stopped dancing, the hall fell silent, and all eyes turned my way. Nathan proudly and haughtily announced me to the Master who sat upon a mother of pearl throne on the dais. “Master Theron, may I present the tulpa maid, Flora.” and she put my hand in his. I have to stop here and describe this man to you. He was tall, thin, and sinewy. He was dressed in a tight-fitting leotard like garment covered with golden scales. His head was large compared to the rest of him which was also large. His eyes were spread wide across his face. His mouth was wide, splitting his head in half. He had neither nose nor ears. “Ah, there she is. Welcome Flora. Hey, listen up everyone, this gorgeous creature, is our creator. Thank her for her efforts on our behalf, a round of applause, please.

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