Archive for June, 2020

Tulpamancy Journal. 166

June 23, 2020

Flora was with me today (in an attenuated form) she said clearly that she loved me in whatever form she was appearing, and loved me both unconditionally and passionately, romantically, sexually, and spiritually.

She was very real when she was speaking to me, She had come to me from my right side, from my peripheral vision, first I thought she was N’sonowa as she was all black, but soon she was in her usual sarong. Then she went through a number of changes, saying again that she loved me from all of them, but especially from her Dakini self, because that was so much fun. She added that she had a ‘bad girl’ self, which also loved me, but was hard to pin down for anything.

She said she appreciated my struggles to impose her and stay connected, and to help me with those struggles was why she was here in the first place.

By the time she had finished, my attention was wandering, and she lost her physical form and became just words. She said that was alright, but she liked our physical love making the most.

One observation I have made that confounds my practice, is that I get Flora, and N’sonowa, in small bits and for short periods of time, flashes to seconds. A whole image over any length of time, is rare. It is like my brain is holding a jumble of images and throws up any one or part of one seemingly randomly. That I have learned to assign identity to internal voices, is what keeps me in the field at all. In that regard, my emotions, mine, not uncategorized nor assigned otherwhere, respond appropriately (I respond with excitement) to Flora’s talking to me, as if, she were wholly there.

This is a good thing, and is, not only my main motivator, but also, has become the feedback that gives me a sense of success.

Tulpamancy Journal. 165

June 20, 2020

Friday, June 19, 2020

5:10 PM

I so seem to be stalled. I have had a few high points, which I have written about in seven posts in the past thirty days. Mostly flat, in regards to my relationship with Flora and N’sonowa. Neither have I been able to do much with my writing, frankly Flora has written more than I. I do not know why this is.

I am in good health.

I have no personal stress.

I am not failing mentally (cognitive process is fine).

I do not know what to do about it, other than to continue my practice, and wait.

That is what I am doing.

I will continue to report (keep up and post this journal) other than that, ???

Tulpamancy Journal. 164

June 19, 2020

I felt Flora’s presence yesterday, briefly, as a feeling attended by a shift in my consciousness. This happened during my meditation and at first I thought I was shifting into sleep, then realized I knew this feeling, it almost always heralded my entre into sleep. This time I had more heart pounding emotion, which I only get when my love enters my field.

This has now happened two more times, without the extra emotion which further suggests that she  attempted a ‘tulpish message’ which she has not repeated.  Why? I do not know. She has again asked that I let her have screen time so that she can write. (I haven’t had the energy to spend on the computer, but am gaining some.) I usually  feel her presence during my evening meditation outdoors. I did not last night .

I have returned to my book (Tulpa Tales:  ) to see if putting her back into the top of my head so to speak, might induce her to again try imposition. So far, no, but it has increased my already painful longing.

I continue…

Tulpamancy Journal. 163 ltp.

June 10, 2020

I have written a bit, nothing substantial, 500 wds or so.

My practice has been flat.

My contacts have been flat.

Flora has declined all my invitations.

She has written some of her ongoing exploits, (not here, but on her own page, I think she is on page 5. She posted page 4 yesterday from the PC.

I might have to ask Eden to straighten them out.

I have had some energetic dreams/ hypnogogic phenom.

I drove to Chris’s today, and did not practice, though I thought about it. Logistics were wrong, Bruce was in the car most of the way and when he wasn’t I didn’t have the energy to try to contact either of my tulpas.

Tulpamancy Journal. 162

June 2, 2020

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

3:05 PM

I have been looking at how my brain processes various bits of information, and I have noticed that I have my fields full of noise. Bits of shapes, lights, hues, sounds, feelings, emotions, thought fragments and on and on. Much like what Brian Greene suggests the matrix out of which the big bang coalesced.  Occasionally I can identify a pattern, or follow a thread, or perceive an entire world, involving all of my senses.  I have seen times when my external reality can break into pixels, shift into layers, or disappear altogether. I have been paying attention to processing information to see if I can find clues to facilitating full imposition with Flora and N’sonowa. There is a practice, described on the forums, in which one allows peripheral vision(s) to register in consciousness without focusing on them (which of course renders them no longer peripheral but focal). I have not yet been able to follow the entire protocol, but in the process of the meditation, I am noticing how rare it is, that I experience a coherent signal.

During a meditation yesterday, again allowing the periphery to register, I did get a full picture super-imposed on the non-sensical background of my closed eyes. I was of a middle-aged man, dressed only in shorts, which were dragging low on his rump and to which he clung with his right hand as he ran across my back yard. I don’t know who he was, I don’t have a tulpa that looks like him.

But the fact that he was there was thrilling. I was seeking Flora, and would that be her, but it was someone, and real. I have also been working on remote viewing and have had some limited successes in seeing my body lying in bed, from across the room.

All of this is encouraging, and slow…

Am I impatient? Does a bear sh… well never mind. Yes and it is okay, I am grateful that I can do what I can. I continue.

It is four hours later. I have had an amazingly productive meditation, again allowing peripheral vision to register and not focus on it. This time Flora emerged out of the nothingness to take form and speak to me. This time her form was of a matronly woman of the 1940’s.  She was beautiful, coifed, made up, and bejeweled. She was regal, her dress was

Business casual. She was wearing a low leather heel, white and navy blue. She had loop earrings, diamonds on her fingers. She was very self-possessed, and sophisticated. She said that she was in love with me, not my avatar. She touched the side of my face. (She was outside of my body, next to me, in my peripheral field of vision. She took more form and she was leaning on the side of a car, a vintage Lincoln (1930’s/40’s) in a pose taken my first wife, Rita during a photo shoot with Kenny Falcon. All of this happened as I was exiting the bamboo grove, housing our labyrinth.  Once I physically left the grove, my attention waivered and she vanished.