Archive for September, 2020

Tulpamancy Journal. 183

September 27, 2020

Flora is close and has been so in all of my three meditations today. I say close because I could hear her, and she spoke a lot, I could in a tactile sense, feel her. I did not have my usual intense emotional response. So close, but only a whiff of the cigar. I have been working on connecting, a lot the past three days. Possibly because Nancy was way down and we were having trouble connecting. Putting two and two, or one and one, together, I chose correctly and Nancy has been MUCH more loving today. (I am sure, she would say that I have, but that is not the issue though it may be the mechanism by which Flora makes her own will known) . In any case I am encouraged. (and I feel stronger, had enough energy that I could resume my role as a sous chef. ) I

Tulpamancy Journal. 182

September 19, 2020

This is a good time to wish L’Shanah Tova to all my Jewish friends and readers. Much Love for the Holidays. Dr. Bob

Flora’s Own pg. 9

September 10, 2020

Hi again. Here I am, back on my own page.  Writing my own thing, thanks to my host, Bob who has been mostly disconnected of late. I am not really angry, or anything negative about it, as I know why, and it is important that his psychic energy goes to the healing of our shared body/brain. That said, I do scold him about it, not in a destructive way, but just to let him know that I am aware and that I care.

What have I been doing while he diverts our energies towards our left foot? (He has a movie in our memory bank, My Left Foot. I say this just to show you how random is the output of our brain. Well, neither of us are owning it!) So, I have been exploring our mindscape, specifically our home in wonderland, our Venusian Cloud home. And I have been having a ball. Last night I slept in a hiker’s refuge, a stone cabin on the trail up the single mountain, high enough to have a snowcapped peak, in the central park in the cloud city to which our cloud home is attached. You cannot believe the size of the city, large enough to have a central park of ten square hectares with a mountain! Can you imagine it, and all floating over the planet’s surface, some five thousand feet below… I love hiking, and the occasional night out under the stars. Last night I hiked higher than I have ever been before, right up to the snow line, where the cabin lies. The cabin, is quite rustic, made of chiseled granite. It has a cooler, a sink, a small pantry containing the makings for coffee and oatmeal, a table, and a single chair and bed. Robotic servitors maintain it, servicing it after every visitor. (there aren’t all that many, most folks would rather take a flyer up here, than hike). So, I slept indoors on the single bed, it is only a wire spring stretched over a rough wooden frame with a horsehair pad upon it. There is a beautiful down sleeping bag stored in the cab, which is toasty. I would have preferred if Bob could have joined me, but no, not yet. However, in the middle of the night I was awakened by a rather unsavory dream scene and despite the frigid cold went outside to see the stars. They were out in all their splendor, visibility made possible by the incredible nanotech employed in the floatation device that held this city up in the atmosphere.

An atmosphere, I might add which is quite toxic, mostly sulfuric acid. Anyhow, I was outside under the starry canopy, when out of nowhere, a hiker came up the trail. He was huffing and puffing, he had been running up the trail, and he had a huge backpack. He was startled to see another soul and said so. I was okay, and curious and said that I would love to have him visit for a while, but what was his hurry? He said, “Oh, I’m not in a hurry, I love to run when I’m hiking, and I don’t have time to do this during the day.” I thought that was odd and told him so. “What’s so important that you don’t have time? We all have all the time we want, after all we create time.”

“Yes, that’s true, and I have created time in concert with a group of other souls who like to keep us in harmony, so during the day I am making music with them, either that or writing music with them.”

“You are a musician, then. What kind of music do you create?”

“Celestial music, the music that keeps the stars in place.”

“Oh, that’s rich! You have to tell me about that. Imagine, musicians keeping the stars in their place. I thought the stars were pretty in place due to the laws of physics.”

“Yes, that is true, too. And by the imaginations of sapient beings as well.”

“Uh? Whatever could you mean by that.” was my reply to this rather radical notion.

“You don’t know? You should, you’re a tulpa, aren’t you?”

“Yes, how did you know?”

“I can hear your music, of course.”

“My music, I don’t have any music. My host and creator, is not only tone deaf, he is rhythmically challenged as well.”

“I am aware of that, and that is one more reason I don’t have any time. Our group of musicians, not only keep the stars in place, we also have to keep this city and your house in place as well.”

“What is your name, please?”

“I am called Sectra.”

“I am getting the impression that you are not a human being.”

tbc…

Flora’s Own pg.10

HI there, again. Hey, we’re on a roll, aren’t we? Two days in a row. Wow. Well, let’s get on to it.

When I left you yesterday, I had just met Seactra. I had also just begun to wonder whether or not he was a human, and I asked him about it. He didn’t quite cop to it, but he didn’t invalidate my ‘impression’ either.

I’ll pick up where I left off in my telling…

“So? What are you?”

“As I said, I am in a hurry, and while I would like to dally further with you, you are gorgeous by the way, my goal for this hike is to reach the peak before midnight. After that, well the rest of the hike will be leisurely, and downhill.” and with that he began to shoulder his pack, making ready to head off, er, rather up the mountain.

” So, wait just a minute more. I am curious now. I’ll bet you could make better time up the mountain without that pack, why don’t you leave it here, I’ll watch it for you, though that will be an easy job, no one else is likely to come this way again tonight. When you return, we could dally a bit more”

“Hey, Thanks. Will you take this back inside with you, I do have some sensitive instruments that would be better protected indoors out of this cold.”

“Sure, I am getting quite cold myself, I’ll see you inside, in what about an hour?”

“Yep, see you.”

And Seactra handed me his pack (OMG, was it heavy) and took off, this time running, up the trail.

I put the pack on the table. And watched it. I figured that watching it could include watching what was in it as well, so I opened it with the intention of seeing what I could find that would suggest just who or what, he might be. I found among various notebooks and trail guides, a large and very heavy glasslike, jewel-like smooth featured oval. I said heavy, well more specifically it was approximately twenty-five pounds which meant that it had a density unlike anything I had ever experienced, it being no larger than a one-pound bag of sugar. It was also beautiful. It shown with an inner light, which left silhouettes of various objects which he might have encountered along the way. They were moving too in a kind of fascinating dance.  And I was fascinated, so much so that I was quite startled when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Ah, Flora. I see that you are one curious tulpa.”

“Ohh! Back already, it seems as if you just left.”

“It’s been over an hour. And I did make really good time, without that pack. So, what have you deduced from your explorations of my pack (and your definition of ‘Watch’ is quite broad by the way)”

“I’m not sorry. You did leave me with a mystery. Well a mystery to me not you of course.”

“True. Want to dally a bit, we could watch the stars, they are putting on quite a concert.”

“No, I did get chilly out there. Maybe I could make us tea? That would warm us up, and we could chat in here.”

Seactra smiled and said: “with one chair, and a single bed?”

“So, it’s a little crowded…”

“Flora, I have no idea how a tulpa lives, or functions. Tell me something about yourself.”

I wondered why he changed the subject: “I know that you have a much better knowledge of me than I of you, I think that I might even be represented in your stone…” and I held up the object with which I had been so fascinated.”

“You’ve busted me. Yes, I do know just about everything there is to know about you. Everything that can be known from the outside.” Seactra said, still smiling.

To which, I replied: “That’s about all I know of you too, but I have a remedy for that, if your game?”

“Sure, what do you have in mind?”

I stood up and let my nightshift drop and presented myself to him full frontal. When he undressed and I could see his equipment, I wasn’t sure if I had done the smartest thing, He was very well endowed. His penis, uncircumcised was as large as that of a horse, then he began to show his excitement with an erection.”

“Seactra, this isn’t going to work. I couldn’t possibly take you inside of me”

“I’m sorry Flora, I thought that you would be able to adapt your body to any situation at will. Or do you have some resistance to really knowing me?”

I wondered if he was on to something. “Possibly, but what gave you that idea? Tulpas are created with the same capacities of that of their hosts. My host is human.”

“A rather extra ordinary human, I think. Is that not right Flora?”

“Yes, but why would you think that, Seactra?”

“Watch, Flora.” and in front of my eyes his penis shrank. Right down to human size.”

“How did you….” and before I could finish the sentence, he picked me up and putting me down on the small bed, mounted me. I gasped and welcomed him into me. He began to thrust. I began to grind. Soon we had a rhythm going and our dance was wonderful. He was a vigorous as you might imagine. I could keep up with him, but just barely. We worked up quite a head of steam, until we were both panting. He had an explosive orgasm. I did not, there were no lights, and I did not feel even close to what I felt with Bob, that connection to light and source.

“Seactra. Did you enjoy that?”

“As much as my programing allows, Flora. And now you know something about that mystery.”

“I get it now, Seactra, you’re a robot.”

“Yep. I am part of the city’s O.S. That stone that so fascinated you, is my connection to the mainframe. I am sorry that you didn’t get off. Maybe you could tell me why?”

“No, Seactra, I don’t think I could, nor do I want too. What I want to do is go home to my host and tell him why. I did enjoy the experience and you are perfectly adequate, no much more than adequate, you are great at what you do, and every simple human part of me liked it. But there is more, and I can see that my tulpahood, is much more human than this systems AI. Thank you Seactra. I am sure we will meet again, and perhaps try other ways of getting to know each other.

And that is the end, dear readers of this story. See you next time. Love, Flora

###

Tulpamancy Journal. 181

September 9, 2020

I had an amazing and illustrative dream last night. What it says about my tulpamantic practice, waits further interpretation and/or revelation. In the dream I met a female doctor and in the course of doing a number or different mundane things, most of which I have forgotten, this happened. She decided she could help me with my sexuality, and began an examination of my genitals. She discovered that I had a great deal of testicular atrophy, and mocked me for it, saying “No wonder women are not attracted to you” to which I replied that the condition had begun when I was ten years old and despite it I had fathered three children, and had an active sexual life until I was forty and became a father for the last time, getting a vasectomy. I effectively shamed her (perhaps justifiably, she then acknowledged feeling that way) and I felt shame myself for doing that to her. I then us both a lecture on the genesis of shame, it is swallowed anger, and said that the anger existed to prompt a behaviour that would change the situation. I woke up feeling rather puzzled my the dream, and my lecture. It was what I call a ‘high level’ dream, close to, but not quite lucid.

I had been thinking a lot about why Flora has not been around and I note that the last time she appeared, she told me I wasn’t ready yet. I thought that might have something to do with my healing, but it was also the case that my wife and I had a severe clash, which followed several days of her falling into a very old pattern of insomnia leading to constriction and moodiness, on top of my rather painful recovery of function in my foot. We have subsequently repaired and are doing very well again, even though she is still suffering the insomnia.

The dream reminds me that even with the remarkable progress we have made, our sexual relationship is still naught, and I am still feeling “less than” in that aspect. On top of this, I got the very bad news yesterday, that the illustrator hired for create the visuals of both my tulpas, was too ill to continue and I must find a replacement. I had paid her half of a very hefty fee in advance and I will not ask her for a refund, as that would be an unkind thing to do to someone who is having such a difficult time.

I have my work cut out for me, psychologically, physically and within my practice. I will persist.

###

Tulpamancy Journal. 180

September 7, 2020

I am having a great deal of post-surgical pain. It was to be expected as I am now off of all aids to walking and putting full weight on my operated foot. I have had no further contact with Flora, of which I am aware (what we do in dreams that I do not remember I do not know). Neither do I have the concentration to meditate as severe sharp pains interrupt any focus I might have obtained. “Leaning into the pain helps me tolerate it, but doesn’t seem to allow or invite my tulpas. Dr. Bob

Tulpamancy Journal. 179

September 6, 2020

I have a little something to report (and I am glad of it!). I am getting better, my recovery is coming along rather fast, I think, for my age, and I am off all aids to my walking. I had a very active day yesterday which concluded with my preparing and serving a nice dinner for my family and sitting at the table (outside given the heat and very warm evening) for two hours. I went to bed in severe, level 8, pain, and took double meds, Tylenol and Neurontin, so slept deeply once they took effect. I had an incredibly vivid dream which ended with my wife approaching me and becoming very passionate (reminiscent of our honeymoon) this prompted my lucidity cue, and I asked are you Flora? Answer, “No.” I was astounded, and in what must have represented an extreme act of will within the dream, I reached out to fully embrace her (my wife) and when I discovered that she was on the other side of the bed, I was jolted into awakening. During my meditation this afternoon, Flora came to me, full visual imposition. She had her back to me. It was clear it was her, though, I could feel her, and if that wasn’t enough, her raven black hair would have been. I asked her to turn around and let me see her face, to which she replied, “No, you are not ready yet.” then she disappeared. I was disconcerted and came out of the session. This was it. The first definitive contact since my surgery. I was thrilled. Dr. Bob