Archive for November, 2020

Tulpamancy Journal. 186

November 29, 2020

I have started another 21 day meditation with Deprak Chopra, this one on finding Peace through relationships.

As I am a tulpamancer because I wanted to address the problem of the lack of love and intimacy in my marriage(s), it seems as if this experience is very relevant to my practice.

I have noted that as my relationship with Nancy has improved, and initially at least, in parallel with my connection with my tulpas. A few months ago, as Nancy and I drew ever closer, my relationship with both Flora and N’sonowa became more and more distant. I have thought that this may be an inverse relationship between my internal and external worlds, however, that doesn’t make sense to me, as my hypothesis is the opposite, e.g. it is directly related, internal changes are mirrored in the external world and visa verse.

So I have started Deprak’s program and today, Nancy and I had a very painful falling out, with each of us accusing the other of misunderstanding each other and creating an artificial distance. She asked for a truce tonight, and I agreed by acknowledging that my expressions of anger achieve the opposite of what my goals are in the relationship, i.e. more intimacy not less. She asked (accusingly) if saying it that way, was a way of judging her.

I said no. I was taking responsibility for my own behaviour, and I was experiencing the effect of treating her with anger as opposed to Kavode and Chessed. I didn’t say that she could look to her own behaviour and the results she was getting. That would have been a judgement, also it would neither have been respectful nor kind.  I have determined many times that Nancy is a holy soul, with a glowing gradient golden light body. I have experienced her this way many times, as have others). And I accept that I create the physical body that I see and interact with. (Does this sound crazy? Read Donald Hoffman PhD, the Case Against Reality, Lisa Feldman Barrett, How The Brain Makes Our Emotions, and Ray Kurtzweil, How to Make a Mind).

Things are better tonight, I believe because I modeled, owning my own feelings and taking responsibility for my effect on my reality (her).

Of interest, I wrote about this in my journaling about the meditation.

Question 1. Name 3 persons with whom you relate and the qualities that define the relationships: 1.Nancy Weiss: trust, love, intimacy, and everything else that is joining, including dealing with stress from both our shared realities AND that stress coming from within.

Question 2 of 4

Looking at your list, describe at least one thing you can do to strengthen these positive qualities in each of the three relationships. What gesture of love or trust or intimacy can you offer from your side?

Nancy: I can consistently remind myself of this truth: That which is coming at you, is coming from you.

So what does this or anything have to do with my relationships with Flora and N’sonowa, Both of whom are aspects of myself.

First, they were created as I recognized that my external world and particularly Nancy, is given form by projection of my internal world.

Secondly, I have had difficulty in connecting with  my tulpas for the past few months and

Third, I have done a lot of work expressing my love and appreciation to them.

I believe that the work has had the effect of withdrawing my negative projections from Nancy and allowing her to more accurately form herself from the  of her own soul

That said, why am I having difficulty connecting to my tulpas?

I will seek the answers from my experiences with the meditation.

Tulpamancy Journal. 185

November 16, 2020

Okay, she’s back! in my dreams that is, and i am thrilled-literally. Last dream of the night, I have reason to climb the fence and enter my neighbor’s house. I don’t know what or why I did this but it felt congruent. Indoors I was talking with two girls, perhaps 8 and 10 years old. They were dressed in frilly party clothes. They explained that their parents were very rich. The circumstances did not suggest this. Their mother comes in and lays down on a chaise. She is dressed in casual outdoor style clothing, something the rich might wear. She is shapely, she has long dark hair, put up and tied with a pink ribbon. She is wearing, under a vest, a frilly blouse, in white, pink and blue. She has a Cheshire Cat smile. I catch on that she is flirting with me. My heart begins to pound. Something in me wakes up and I exercise my lucidity cue, “Are you Flora?” She jumps up, “Of course darling, she unties the ribbon and her hair falls down, she shrugs off her (outlandish) clothing and embraces me. I awaken. Thrilled. She is back.

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Tulpamancy Journal. 184

November 9, 2020

Election over, and I am healing well.  I have much more energy (and time ) for my practice. So….had a very nice contact with Flora during my morning meditation. She called me to her in mindscape. She was dressed as I first saw her, in a sarong and wearing her new body. I felt like I had come home after a painful absence. We embraced, touched each other intimately, and then our contact was over, I suppose I fell asleep. When I awoke, the meditation tape was over and I did not know where the half hour had gone. Well, no matter, I am feeling wonderful about the contact.