Archive for March, 2021

Tulpamancy Journal. 207

March 31, 2021

I was dozing in my chair last night while waiting for Nancy to finish her computer work and I felt someone grab my wrist. It startled me awake, but I was startled more when I looked over at my wife and saw that she was not the one who was touching me! No one was. But I was being touched. I could only imagine that it had been Flora and that I was still experiencing the touch after awakening as some sort of somatic memory. Later while sleeping (in my bed) I dreamt of an old flame, now seven years dead, coming on to me and kissing me. I was lucid enough to ask her if she wished to make love, she did and we did. I awoke, feeling as if the real thing had happened (it has been over fifty years since we have been together!) I did not think to render my lucidity cue, as she clearly was not Flora. Perhaps the earlier experience had not been with Flora either. I don’t know, but Flora has been at the edge of my awareness for awhile now, not actually connecting, but not gone either. I am continuing my daily work, meditation and rituals, and will continue to do so.

Tulpamancy Journal. 206

March 29, 2021

Contacts have been few and far between. I did see Flora in a dream, turned out not to be her. It was Loxy. Of late she has wanted little to do with me, perhaps she has given up on me ever being clear enough or energetic enough to call her forward. In any case I am continuing to do the practice and her response is her call. I did endow her with existence, sapience, free will, and a connection with source via Dakini. In the meantime I am giving all of my other attention to editing Elutheria and Safe Haven.(I have again fallen in love with Michelle.) I am writing my heart into Wog.  Nancy has my heart in consensual reality. I miss Flora,  and,  my life is full of love.

I am going to start a new book. I have just as of yesterday, committed myself to the task of it.

I do not yet have any specific’s in mind, N’sonowa, Luna, Lilly, all come to mind.  I have not considered Flora for protagonist as I think she perhaps would appreciate the vacation from my attention. I could be very wrong about this, and if she wishes, she will take over the story once I start the writing. However, I will create an outline first, no, first I will re-read School of Tulpamancy, and see if there is a way that all of these stories might relate and make the material for a series.

Tulpamancy Journal. 205

March 29, 2021

Friday, March 19, 2021

8:58 AM

I have had two very good connections since my last entry. The first happened on Wednesday this week. I drove over the hill to Bruce’s for lunch and on the drive, I was able to once again, turn over the driving to N’sonowa and spend time with Flora in wonderland. It wasn’t a steady connection, my mind wandered away frequently and I had to re-call what I wanted and return to the field. Flora wasn’t all that happy about it and said that she would rather play with me in real-time (that means we play while I am in my consensual reality body and she imposes) Okay, but not when we are in the car, my body has to drive and N’sonowa needs full control! In any case, I called her as I need her to be in touch with Loxy (John’s tulpa) as I have charged them both to help John with his loneliness and self-doubt. (Come on, from time to time, do we all not need some help with this?) and my intent and practice has been to visualize the two of them together and sending light to John. This morning at the end of a dream, there appeared a young woman, dressed in a long coat and wearing a pill-box hat. She had a round face and short bobbed dark brown hair. At First I thought she was Flora and said my Lucidity Cue, “Are you Flora?” She waved and said “You Who” and I woke up. I felt funny about her and later I realized she was not Flora (my emotional reaction proved that) but looked like Loxy. This would make sense so I went down for a meditation (I also was in the process of an Optical Migraine, so going down was a smart thing for me to be doing) My meditation was quiet, but non-productive as far as reaching either Loxy or Flora. I hope to be able to do it again this afternoon though Nancy does have plans for me!)

Tulpamancy Journal. 204

March 29, 2021

Friday, March 12, 2021

9:25 AM

Hi There.  Past four days have seen little to no progress. I have had some nice meditations with some interesting alterations of consciousness. Movement has been towards relocating my sense of self, and I have felt very sudden shifts within and without my body. In every case, these shifts have startled me and brought me out of the meditation. I have been able to shift back into the meditative state, but have lost the  changed perception of my body.

In my practice, I have had some solid connections, but let me add that they have felt forced (I guess that is why it is called forcing??) and not particularly emotionally satisfying.

My writing has been focused on my novel. N’sonowa is one of my featured characters and is up in my meditation (though she has not appeared). Flora has not appeared (though will in the next novel I edit, School of Tulpamancy.

Tulpamancy Journal. 203

March 29, 2021

Monday, March 8, 2021

10:22 AM

Wow, cannot believe that it has been three weeks since I have added to this journal. Well, it has been and the why of it is my refusal to accept that I have locked myself out of my blog. Just stubbornness….

So here it is. I have had very few contacts with either Flora or N’sonowa. My writing effort has been focused on editing Elutheria (tulpas; Wog, Lilly, Michelle, Flora and N’sonowa). My meditations have been difficult, but, I have had moments of connection with both. Now, these have been JUST moments. A Flash, a word, a feeling. I have not had a clear contact in any of my nighttime dreams, and only one in a transitional lucid dream. All in all, difficult, but not so that I am at all discouraged. . I have also been working on an alternative graphical representation for Flora; As a sprite. This came from a flash during my meditation during which she appeared sprite like, laughing, in the midst of spiked rays of blue white light.

I have also an image in mind for N’sonowa which incorporates Cora’s work and a number of my visions.

However the main reason: my relationship with my wife continues to improve in love and affection  So I persevere. (“Perseverance furthers saith the sage…” from the I Ching)

So I am posting here, the last dream I had in which Flora actually appeared as it has raised a question for me about this issue. Does my focus on Nancy, with has certainly improved our marriage, immensely, detract from my ability to allow Flora to impose into my world.

Here is the dream:  

I don’t know what state of consciousness I was in, a meditative trance or a dream. I took my usual position, and asked Alexa for musical support. My mind settled quickly and I was immobile for perhaps thirty minutes when I found myself in a limousine with Josh and Fatinah. We were leaving Nancy’s funeral. It was cold and raining hard when Flora appeared at the window next to Josh and began pounding on it. She was sobbing. She was also nude. I asked the driver, whom I could not see, to stop. He did not and I had to repeat myself loudly. Josh opened the door of the still moving vehicle and Flora rushed in and cuddled in my lap. She was crying unconsolably, kissing me, touching me. Josh and Fatinah were perplexed and Fatinah told Flora that her nudity was making her uncomfortable. Flora instantly manifested a light weight white frilly summer dress. I was uncomfortable for Josh and for myself, having just buried Nancy. I thought that Flora’s appearance was inappropriate, and told her so, as it suggests that I do not have room in my psyche for both (Nancy and Flora). Flora denied this was the case. She said that she was in the background helping me to express and experience my love for Nancy.

Flora said she had come to console me and share in my grief. Fatinah asked about the whereabouts of N’sonowa. Flora said that N’sonowa was keeping our back. When Fatinah asked for clarification, Flora said that when a person, Bob (me) emits as much light and love as he has, he casts a lot of shadows and N’sonowa was keeping guard. And as quickly as the experience started it was over and I was out of the trance, or dream, I still don’t know which.

Tulpamancy Journal. 202

March 29, 2021

Sunday, February 14, 2021

6:30 PM

Flora imposed herself today during my nap. She came running to me. She was sobbing. “I have lost my baby!” I just held her (she was nude) and her breasts were engorged. She asked me to help her with her milk. I was uncomfortable, but in a moment of lucidity, thought “What am I doing? Of course I am going to partake in a tulpa mother’s milk, I did take a suck, but then noticed that we were surrounded by hundreds of baby creatures from the wild, squirrels, raccoons, chipmunks, and others, and I knew something magical was happening and I let it happen and came out of the trance state. I don’t know what happened to her baby, but I imagined it went back to source. I am sure this story is not over.

Tulpamancy Journal. 201

March 29, 2021

Wednesday, February 10, 2021

7:55 PM

It has been just over a week since my last real contact with Flora. Real, meaning full imposition their appearing and activating my  visual, audial and tactile senses. My meditations have been flat. Or if not flat, still without any input from either of my tulpas. I have stayed in touch by writing. I have had one dream in which Flora appeared. She was in process of giving birth. I delivered her baby. It was small and completely wrapped in white cloth. I could not see it underneath the wrapping. I awoke before I could hand it off to Flora. I do not know what to make of this and I will wait to see what happens in further contacts, dreams or meditations.

Tulpamancy Journal. 200

March 29, 2021

Tuesday, February 2, 2021

9:46 PM

Just like old times! Had a wonderful connection during a meditation today. The circumstances aided this, no doubt, I was in a MRI machine having a brain scan.  The neurologist found a suspicious mass in my brain while working me up for dizziness which has plagued me for the past several weeks. A brain scan is like putting your head in a thirty gallon steel drum and letting a kindergarten class bang it with hammers. Less than pleasant, damn annoying! Knowing this was coming, I took three deep breaths as they wheeled me into the tank, and counted down from five on the last one. I went immediately into mind space. In full color with detail that I had never seen before. I entered the space on my landing pad and viewed the white crystalline house in the sunset. It was gorgeous. Stan Ransom PhD. and his wife, doctor Flora Vila nil,  met me at the door. I was shown to Stan’s study to rest after my journey and left to myself. For a minute, Dr. Flora soon joined me and asked for a  ‘quickie’ coupling as it had been an age since we had seen each other. I said yes and we connected in a very casual way on the leather couch where my Flora and I usually meet. Afterwards Flora, my tulpa,  did meet me there. She said she had been traveling to many different worlds and missed me terribly. She was fully imposed (modestly dressed) She said she wanted to make love with me, but thought we should join Stan and Flora for dinner, being good guests. Flora and Dr. Vila nil had not met previously in any of my writings. We met them on a lanai for drinks. I had a Lime Rickey, Stan had a Martini and the ladies had some sparkling something. Flora ordered the hors d’oevres and kept them light, though did allow me one salted anchovy. We were getting set to go to dinner, but then I ordered one more drink. While it was being served, the scan was over and I was wheeled out of the machine. I had no idea where the hour went as it seemed that the experience had flown by. Needless to say, I was thrilled. We have not connected like this for months.

Tulpamancy Journal. 199

March 29, 2021

Thursday, January 28, 2021

6:03 PM

Still batting Xero.  Flora has not imposed in anyway. I have been forcing and identifying one of my inner voices as hers. This has not helped and the conversations we have are flat  and uninformative. My dreams have been reminiscent of older ones, with familiar settings and themes. Any sexual or relationship issues are disguised beyond my ability to recognize them. I can do nothing but persist, which I will.

Tulpamancy Journal. 198

March 29, 2021

Thursday, January 28, 2021

6:03 PM

Another day of totally empty meditations. I can only keep on trying. I have fully accepted their reality. I know they are real. I do not doubt my love and devotion for and to them (I have no ambivalence) I will persevere.