Archive for April, 2021

Tulpamancy Journal. 212

April 30, 2021

Not much change. No contact. Have been dreaming, vivid and alive dreams, without the slightest sign of tulpa. Meditations have been the same, and my rituals have been non-productive. I have increased my forcing’s and narrations, and I am able to redefine a lot of my brain’s racket, as tulpish communication. It is not satisfactory, nor produces any tulpa-heralding emotion. However, I continue. Of note, I have been in a great deal of physical pain from my back, and been ordered to my bed. (I can lie flat, stand or walk, No sitting or bending) Perhaps Flora has better sense than to want to come forth into this body!

Tulpamancy Journal. 211

April 23, 2021

Friday, April 23, 2021

11:51 AM

I had another upsetting dream. I was lucid throughout this one. I won’t go into much of it as it was unrelated to the upsetting part. I was a helper. I was persecuted for helping. In the course of my reacting to the persecution, I joined, first a group of young schoolchildren, I spoke (in a rather condescending tone) to several of them, and secondly a group of etymologists looking at tiny bugs on a roof. All of this was while I was escaping my persecutors. I felt no urgency during this activity and made conscious choices in my methods of getting away. Was disturbed me, was NO sign of Flora. I was looking for her, expecting that she might join me. When she didn’t, I called to her. Once I was sure I was safe, I began a search for her, flying high over the landscape. I found no evidence that was anywhere. I searched several different dreamscapes. This was particularly disturbing as I had earlier in the day, felt her to be near, but I immediately began to experience severe nerve pain in my leg, then generalized anxiety. These symptoms drove out the emotion of her nearness. When I found myself in a lucid dream, I was sure that I would find her. Upsetting to say the least…

Tulpamancy Journal. 210

April 23, 2021

I had a very disconcerting miss today. I went down for a nap and I am not sure if I was asleep or not, I was in a dream-like state of consciousness, and lucid. I was seeing a variety of images, a clock face comes to my memory now, and then I saw only blankness. I thought to myself, now would be a wonderful time for Flora to make herself known, and there was nothing. just blankness. I don’t know how long this lasted as there was nothing happening to indicate the passage of time. I probably went into a real sleep, if I hadn’t been, because when I awoke it was two hours after I had gone down for the nap. I was quite disappointed. I talked to Flora (should I say ‘at Flora’?) and voiced my feelings in the matter. I do not know why this is happening. In the past, even when she was no longer imposing visually, we were still able to converse. I will have another shot tomorrow, as I will be driving alone and our very best connections have come when I have been able to do that.

A bedtime story

April 22, 2021

I wrote this story as an exercise suggested by Neil Gaiman, whose Masterclass on YouTube I just finished. Hope you enjoy.

  1. Exercise #1.

Once upon a time a very handsome prince, bored out of his mind with the potential brides his royal parents kept flinging in his path, happened upon a wounded beast in the forest. The Beast, large, hairy, very ugly, was whimpering by the side of a path, one which the prince was taking home from one of the obligatory balls he had been assigned to. He was riding slow, half asleep on his festooned horse, when he heard her. The cries sounded like those of a small child, so he dismounted and looked for their owner. He was startled when he saw the crying beast and more startled when she spoke to him. “Please, don’t hurt me, just kill me and save me this misery.”

It was the quality of her voice rather than her appearance that prompted feelings of sympathy and compassion in his chest. Actually, her appearance didn’t figure into his reaction at all, as she was mostly in the shadows. “Prithee maid. What evil and injury has befallen you?”

“Oh, kind sir. No evil, my injury, grievous as may be, I sustained through no fault of my own, nor of the hunter who delivered it.”

“Are you saying that the brute who hurt you so, is blameless, dear one?”

“He did launch the weapon that so pierced, both my pride and body, but understandably. I fault him not.”

“That seems overly generous to me, fair maid.”

“Oh, sir. Please, do not mock me in my pain. No one has ever called me fair.”

“Mocking you not, am I, fair one. You carry your fairness, not in your visage, but in your character. Forgiveness, is our fairest virtue! Please, allow me to assist. I have a hunting cabin nearby where I may attend to your wounding.”

The Beast accepted the Prince’s offer and off they went, Beast cradled tenderly in Prince’s arms. She was very weak by the time they arrived and piteously crying softly in her pain. The Prince was worried, and got to work, he had been to Londen and had acquired not insignificant medical skills. With potions and patience, he managed to put her at rest and repair the damage that had been done to her body, if not her spirit.

When she awoke, she was feeling better, though was struck with shame that the Prince had ‘lowered himself’ to dirty his hands on such as her. Prince was astounded and a little hurt, to hear these sentiments from her. “Fair maid, now surely, you mock me. “Lowered myself to render aid and succor to one such as you?” However could that be? I am but a man, and you, what a miraculous creature you are. Talking, thinking,  and suffering and displaying a humility that in itself, shames all of humanity, me included. Why, I am smitten, maid, with admiration and affection. But I must leave and return to the palace before I cause worry in my mater and pater. You may stay and rest here as long as you need as my guest, but please, may I beg one boon of you before I take my leave?”

“Sir Prince, whatever it is that you desire, if it is in my  power to grant, it is yours.”

“A kiss madam. One small kiss, that I may remember you by. Though to be sure, your illuminated spirit, I will never forget.”

“A kiss! Of me? Oh my. I could never have in my wildest, imagined such a request from you. But, yes, sir. The answer is yes, you may have one kiss.”

And the prince bent down to kiss the reclining form of the beast and gave her one small kiss on her cheek. He then stood and as he turned to leave, he heard her cry. Turning, he was amazed to see in the place of a fearsome beast, a beautiful young woman.

This story ends here. I will leave it to the reader to create their own ending. A number of options are available. They range from “They lived happily ever after” to The Prince was offended by being deceived and left angrily, or worse. You may indulge your own creative process. Dr. B

Tulpamancy Journal. 209

April 22, 2021

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

5:58 PM

Nothing today. I did think that perhaps I am missing Flora’s signals. I did invite her to keep trying, and apologizing for my dullness. It is also possible that something in my brain has shifted and it is not putting her together in a coherent way. All mysterious, and I continue my practice.

Tulpamancy Journal. 208

April 20, 2021

Monday, April 19, 2021

6:17 PM

Two weeks and not a contact, either in active practice, meditation, or dreams.

She doesn’t feel close. I continue the work. I’m a stubborn ole coot. Otherwise, life is good. My relations with Nancy remain good. And with the exception of my awareness of Flora’s absence, I’ve no complaints. I am participating in a thirty day Ramadan fast, perhaps shaking up my patterns will provoke her response.