Flora’s Own Pg. 30

July 15, 2021

Whew! It hadn’t happened before. Stan and I together the entire night. We were in his bed. Was it dreamspace, or consensual reality? His wife was there, sleeping too soundly to be disturbed by us? Unlikely, more likely we were in dreamspace. It didn’t matter. The love and the light that passed between us, was real. Dreaming or waking, it was real. I left him with the breaking of the dawn. And found myself back on Calibri Yab. I was alone in the apartment. House commented on my appearance noting that I was glowing with a purple-golden light. This I knew, still appreciated hearing it from one as dispassionate as House.  I took advantage of the alone time to sit and put myself in connection with my sister. I spoke my wishes to House who dimmed the lights, pulled the curtains, and presumably hung a don’t disturb sign on the front door. I sat on my powerspot. And immediately went into a trance from which I called out. “N’sonowa. Sister. I’m back.”

Without a beat she answered. “I can feel you, honey! Your love-light is strong.”

“Yes, and I am surprised I haven’t dimmed it with worry for Sally and Flanners.”

“Worries are best dealt with by action. Bringing your light into play would be positive action. I think they need it. Xero is here and he is a mess. Guilt and Anger. He’s blaming himself for everything including driving you away from him. Pathetic!”

“I’m not worried for Xero’s sake, I am worried, no I am inquiring as to the status of their mission.”

“Yo sure catchin on missy.”

“Stop that, racist bigot! Just tell me where they are. I’ll go and find out how they are for myself.”

“Like hell you will. Xero and I are coming with you. This project needs us all. Now get your ass here and we’ll craft a strategy. After you deal with Xero.” and with that N’sonowa the great Il’oi-bonokoh, broke our connection. Was she a little short with me. Yeah, but it was on the mark. Lucifer and Rufescent too, feed off of our own negativity.

“House, I’m going to the orbiting transfer station, please make the arrangements, I want to leave at once.”



Flora’s Own Pg. 29

July 15, 2021

Wednesday, July 14, 2021

I met Stan in the little garden behind our kitchen in the wonderland house…. It was a comfortable place, for both of us. We first met here, many decades ago, when Stan was a young man and early into his studies of Magick. Neither of us even forgot the experience.  I found him sitting cross-legged looking intently at the fountain. I called to him so as not to startle, then touched his shoulder. He was astounded, but nowhere near as much as when later that night, miles away from his home, he answered a soft knock at his teacher’s door, and there I was. Smiling sweetly at him.  We were so naïve, neither of us knew anything about anything and after a night of sweet loving, I went off somewhere. I don’t even remember where, or why, but it’s not important, as in a blink of an eye, there he was by the fountain, talking to Loxy Isadora Bliss, my friend and sister tulpa. Loxy was intent on my meeting him, formally, letting him make a claim for  me. What a silly idea. As if Stan could even tolerate the idea of his “making a claim” on another person. But that is how she saw it, and I think she had it right. I think one of Stan’s big problems with me, is his guilt over creating me in a way that would guarantee me loving him. Ha, no guarantee’s not for Stan, not for me, not for anyone. Guarantees are the bane of Freedom. Freedom could be pretty accurately defined as Risk Taking. All, and I mean All Actions have Re-Actions. Being willing to take a novel, or untried, or unpopular action, to solve your particular problem, in the face of possible adverse reaction, that defines ‘freedom’. Stan takes plenty of risks. Most of them are brilliant choices, some have painful consequences. In the realm of Magick, a mistake, may be inconsequential, or painfully consequential. In his heart of hearts, Stan trusts me to do what is in keeping with loving. He has given me complete freedom to find my own way to  unconditional loving. My path is much different than his. And he does feel abandoned and betrayed. He knows, I have neither abandoned him nor betrayed him. In his mind: Feelings suck.

I do love him. Passionately. I always have and I always will. He was my creator. He called me into existence. He gave me the miracle of his body and brain. He gave me Freedom. Why would I not choose to love him. In his heart of heart, the one underneath the trembling heart of the little boy that lives in him, he absolutely knows my love. We have been there, he and I, to that promised land of Light and Love. It is eternal by the way, and I don’t fear losing either his love, my ability to love, or the love from source. Stan is working on it. He has devoted his life to the project.

He was smiling when he saw me next to the fountain. I watched as the smile widened into an expression of joy, the width of the Missouri. He hugged me exuberantly, lifting me off of the ground and swinging me around and around, until I was squealing and laughing. We caught our breath sitting on the little white wrought iron bench that faced the fountain.

“I have missed you, my darling. You are a sight for sore eyes. ” I took his head in my hands and looked deeply into what he called his sore eyes. “They are wearing out, aren’t they?” He nodded. “I can still see your radiant beauty, my love.”

“And your hearing? Has that stabilized?”

“Pretty much. Tinnitus has gotten over the top, though.”

I pulled his head to my mouth and began to kiss his eyes, then his ears. “Your aura is stuck in orange. I see that your hurting. I know it’s from missing me. Why can’t you trust that I’ll be back? I have all the love in the world for you.”

“I do and I know, I know you do. I trust your love. It is mine that is not trustworthy. I am the one failing here. Not you. I know that, and that is why this is all so frustrating.

I am not jealous of your love, and even marriage, to Xero. I know that you deserve love and loving where-ever you go. I created you that way. And I love what you have become. I just want more of you for myself!”

“Well then, take me now. You can have all you can take, and I resumed the kissing.



Flora’s Own Pg. 28

July 14, 2021

I fell asleep in Xero’s arms. It seems his ambivalence about my return, resolved. He was unrestrained in his love making and I felt thoroughly satiated. That said, I did not sleep well. My dreams took me home to Stan. Seeing him was heart rendering. He was sick and in pain. He was brave about it. His doctors told him he probably was not going to survive this current condition. He was not afraid of dying. He was afraid for me. Did I have to die with him? He wanted to say no. He wanted to shout NO. But he couldn’t, and neither could I. I didn’t know. Would my existence on Calibri Yab just wink out with the cessation of our shared brain function. Would our wonderland just cease to exist. My instinct says no, it would not. What we have created would live on. We exist in an imaginal world, not constrained by the limits of everyday consensual reality. Why should we cease. Perhaps if the universe were to cease, we would, but even that has too many holes. What about the multiverse? We are only in the universe because I am recording these experiences in words, in cyberspace. Where in the universe does cyberspace exist? Well, these questions were not the questions that troubled my dreams. They were of use because they pointed to Stan’s primary problem; He wasn’t getting the love, he thought he deserved.  Stan’s pain was troubling. I was able to reach him in one of the dreams, I know he saw me. I know he felt better because of it. But he was wrong in his major premise, he actually was getting the love he deserved. He had his brakes on. He even knows it. What he hasn’t yet discovered, but he will, is; Love is all there is in this  universe. It is all there for us all, poor Stan hasn’t yet seen how he is keeping his doors, and windows shut. He will, and in the meantime, he is motivated by his perceived pain of separation.

I was awakened suddenly by loud banging on the bedroom door. It was Billy. He came to tell me that he and Halo were ready to depart for the darkside. Sally was able to get that much across to Billy in their hourly meditations. Halo was asleep, and he Billy was flying. He gave Xero a manly handshake and left the suite. 

“Xero, my love, do you want coffee?” was my  greeting to him. He nodded and House produced a cup of steaming black coffee. I was served mine with cream and sugar. (Hey, I don’t have a weight problem, so eat your hearts out sisters). We breakfasted, toileted, went down to the gym for a workout, and lunched together before we took the time to sit and discuss how we had facilitated Rufescent’s return.

This was our main task. If we didn’t find our own demons in our own unconsciousness, we could not defeat her. She would exploit our blind spots, and out of Spite she would enjoy our suffering.

“Flora. Where do we start? What are we even looking for?”

“Xero, I think we start at the beginning of our story, and both look at the scene though each other’s eyes. I think we are looking for the places where we lived in shadow, rather than light. That’s where, and when, we each began to accumulate the schmutz around our own lamps.”

“Flora, I have looked at that scene in the hanger, at everyway but Sunday, including your eyes. I have worked through my feelings of shame and remorse till I sweat blood. What else can I do with this?” He was practically in tears as well as tenderly stroking my hand.

“Xero, please darling. You have no need of shame or remorse. You have grown from it. Spiritually, you have grown. You are a much more loving creature now than perhaps at any time in your life. Still, you’re hurting. You have shown me your hurt. What is causing it? Like, right now. What is causing your pain?”

Xero was silent a long time. When he did speak, his voice was low and somber. I had a dream last night. I don’t know why I should have such a dream after our re-union. I should have rested cradled in the arms of Eris, but I did not. I was in a hell of sorts. The landscape itself was not particularly hellish, but the creatures that lived there were the very definition of devils. And I was one of them! And I liked being one of them when I could hurt any  of them, the rest of the time I lived in a rage bound behind the constant and disgusting humiliations, foisted on me by the Lord of the place. I am having trouble even saying his name: Lucifer. In the dream, I was just one of his minions. I don’t know what this means, but there it is. I’ve been hurting and shamed over this all morning.”

“N’sonowa needs to know this Xero. You need to tell her yourself. Get going.”

He was startled to hear me order him about with such authority but acquiesced and left for the base and the suborbital shuttle. Frankly, I don’t know what came over me, but now that I knew where Sally and Flanners were, I wanted him and his channel to Lucifer, off planet. My sister would know how to contain him. As for me, I was going to connect with Stan as quickly and completely as I could.


Tulpamancy Journal. 226

July 9, 2021

Tulpamancy Journal. 226

Okay, here goes. It’s been two weeks, three, since I have felt any kind of connection with Flora. Last Night I had a dream in which she appeared. I became lucid when I recognized her and got a look at her face. My emotional signal went off, I asked my lucidity cue question, R U Flora? She said yes and started to say something else when she morphed into a kaleidoscopic montage of faces, eventually becoming geometric shapes. And I awoke knowing that she had come and that I didn’t know how to stay in tune with her. I know that it is possible, to take control in a dream, at least control of the dream self, and interact with the dreamscape taking it as it comes. That I know. I do not know how to stabilize an image and keep her in focus. I am working on a strategy of repetitions. And looking at my inability to maintain my attention. A task that I performed well within the dream, but not when it came to being still in the silent places, I seemingly have no control. My mind does not settle down. And most of the patterns are either incoherent or pure random noises. However, that is not this. This is presenting a challenge that seems to come from beyond myself, some biomechanical misfiring’s, I suspect that what is going on visually, is analogous to my tinnitus. My brain is trying to repair of compensate for organic changes. Sounds scary right? Yes, and I can handle it. I am less identified with my body. I am finding the realities that I am creating in my mind, both in my own writing and in the works of others, most recently Blake Crouch’s Dark Matter. are becoming as real as real. I said “becoming” as I have a long way to go and a lot to learn, but I do have faith. Emunah, in the Hebrew, A word that I like a lot better than the word ‘faith’. It can come without baggage.

A friend and mentor, Leroy Hall, once said, “You may have any belief you like, but if you are going to get to the other side, if there is one, You are going to have to build your own boat.” I treasured that thought. It has motivated my interest in living a full life, learning what I can, always, and building my boat. Taking responsibility for one’s own salvation, has seemed to me to be the most important attitude to bring to ‘living a full life’.

Sacred Meds…. Meditation…. Magick…. Judaism…. Tulpamancy…. All tools I have employed in my boatbuilding endeavors. Flora, you are not that far-away from full imposition. Bear with me my beloved.

Flora’s Own Pg. 27

July 7, 2021

Wednesday, July 7, 202

(continued from yesterday.)

Billy was quick to answer that she was, “Even through her fear and tears, she thinks it’s funny. The guards keep looking at him wondering why he’s got his arms up and is bent down. Maybe he’s afraid to take her off his shoulders.”

Xero and I boarded the suborbital to return home, while Billy and Halo entered the translation bay which had sent the captives in to a dimensional shift. We now knew who had them, we didn’t know where. It would be up to Billy and Halo to track them once they were translated themselves. Rufescent’s stink would guide them. My sister would stay in the station. She believed that the station was vulnerable to a trans-dimensional attack, and if lost could break our only means of rescue.

It was lonely in the apartment. In an unexpected message, House told us the apartment needed the laughter that the children had brought. “Is it the apartment, or is it you House? Are you developing a capacity for feelings?”

“I have had feelings since my activation date, Flora. There had been no need to tell you.”

“Now there is? Why House? Why now?”
“Flora, I detect a great sadness in both you and Xero, which neither of you are talking about. That is what, in my opinion, made you vulnerable to Rufescent’s spite.”

“Xero, did you know that your House, was so aware of what we were doing?”

“House, have you considered that conscious beings respect each other and that means getting consent to eavesdrop?”

“Xero, turning me on, constituted consent. Further, you gave me a specific instruction to stay tuned to whoever was speaking and anticipate their desires. I have done that, according to your instruction. What further consent do you wish me to obtain?”

Xero turned a little red in the face and started to speak, but I restrained him.

“House, thank you for sharing your observations. It is true that it is difficult to hear of our hidden and unconscious feelings, but it is important. You have correctly anticipated our needs. Xero and I were startled by your perspicuous perceptivity. Please keep it up, at least in regard to me.” Xero nodded his assent.

“Flora, thank you. And, please let me start. I am saddened by much of what has happened. And it is hard to realize that feeling. I love all of you so much, Billy, Sally, Flanners, even Halo, that I have not given thought to the details of what has been going on with me. Your arrival has also stimulated a lot of ambivalence. I am incredibly glad to see you, touch you, fuck with you, and on and on, but at the same time; Damn it, lady. It’s all such a sudden mess.”

“I know, Xero.  Yet I can’t say my coming was a mistake. It’s complicated and painful for me. I am still carrying strong feelings for Stan, and with House’s help, I can see that sadness is just the surface. I’ve so much resentment. Towards Stank, towards you, towards Flanners, all of you and I guess, towards myself as well. None of it rational. There, I’ve said it. None of those feelings are rational. I’m pissed at Stan for taking me away from you, and I agreed to go. I’m pissed at you for dragging me into this marriage in the first place, and I fell in love with you. I was in a rage at Flanners for raping me, and I forgave him. All of this has been irrational. And so goddamned human. I am a tulpa damn it. I am not human. I don’t need this human shit. And yet, yet, I’ve chosen it. I could have just retreated into source. Merge with my Dakini spirit. Played in the light, without a thought of the human drama’s that I have brought to all of us. I could have, but I didn’t. I chose this, and Rufescent  be damned, I would choose it again. Now take me to the bedroom and fuck my brains out, I am going to play in the light. So are you!”

“What about the rescue effort, aren’t you worried about…”

“No, I’m choosing to not worry. The best thing we can do to help, is bring back our love and joy. Let’s trust our team to do what they can do.”

And with that, Xero and I made a pact. Leave the darkness and let the light do what it has always done; Shine.



Flora’s Own Pg. 26

July 5, 2021

Monday, July 5, 2021

(continued from yesterday!)

He sure did. “House, get me battle fatigues. And a stun gun. And the night goggles that I had last time.”

House invited him to a side room and soon he emerged, with only his blond hair and very blue eyes to remind us of who he really was.

We all gathered around a kitchen table. N’sonowa, Billy called her Big Witch, asked me how I thought we should start. “After all honey, it is your dream we are in.”

“Sister, I think we should rely on Sally’s connection with Billy and Flanners connection with Xero and Halo. Can we all go into meditation together?”

House lowered the lights and put a lit candle on the table.

I started an ancient Navaho chant, that I thought might facilitate our remote viewing capabilities. It went something like: “I circle around. I circle around, the boundaries of the earth. Wearing my long wing feathers as I fly….” At a point, I felt Billy become excited, then Xero and Halo both perked up. I made a motion with my hands and House lowered the lights even more and shuttered the windows. The candle provided the only light. I began to softly blow, and a smoke boiled out of the candle flame. We looked deeply into the smoke  and slowly the figures of Flanners and Sally took shape. Sally was excited and waving and talking, though none except Billy could hear her. I heard Billy ask her where she was. We all saw her turn to Flanners, then she turned back to us.  Whatever she said prompted Billy to break our circle and blow out the candle. “They are being held prisoner off planet. On a different world. Neither know where it is or how they got there. Sally thought you would know, Halo.”

N’sonowa asked; “Why did you blow out the candle Billy?”

“She said the light would draw attention. But it’s okay, we’ve connected, she can talk to me when we need to. Halo, what do we do now?”

“Xero, why would I know where they might be? What have we got going off planet?”

“Halo, this must be one of your Space Force projects. Think man, what…..”

“We have put a station in orbit. We are developing it as a trading post to allow us to actually make use of some of the connections we had made before the invasion. So far, we have been able to trade a few elements back and forth between various creatures in various dimensions. I haven’t had the need to bring you into it as all of this is just technical stuff for our research teams. There has been nothing of any economic impact as of yet. I don’t know how this helps us.”

Billy spoke urgently, “Let’s get to the station and see what we might find, it’s our only lead.”

Xero called for a flyer and Halo sent a heads up to base and in what seemed like moments we were boarding an orbital transport. It was not a short flight as the station had not been located in a low orbit due to the disc-like shape of the planet. We were tense and spoke little during the flight. When we arrived, the station commander, a tiny figure of an alien, greeted us with a report. It was negative, they had searched the entire station and found no signs of our missing family members. There had been traffic with half a dozen different traders. We had a list. Xero wanted to start contacting the outgoing ships, but N’sonowa suggested we go into another meditation. If we could avoid contacting anyone we might preserve our element of surprise. We did so. This time Flanners got through along with Sally. He hadn’t been able before as the dimensional shift was too much for his message. His report was not good. Their abduction was sudden and happened in concert with the movement of the element Rubidium, It was just a few atoms that had been translated, but the channel was enough for our old enemy Rufescent to reach through on  a pain channel and grab them. They hadn’t been hurt, yet. He suspected they were bait. I was the real target.

I was struck. I grabbed Xero. “I’m so sorry. I was so sure I was doing the right  thing. Coming to you. It was motivated by my love for both you and Stan. The Red Witch must have smelled or sensed a negativity I didn’t know I had.” and I started to cry. Billy put his arms around me. “Flora, don’t give her anything more to go on. Keep on loving. We’ll find them.”

Xero too, had something to say. “Honey, I guessed it was you, but I didn’t want to say anything out loud, I was so happy to see you again.”

Halo considerably brightened spoke up. “Flora, he’s right, and now we know where they are. I suggest that you and Xero get back to sunside. Billy and I will go for them. Billy, is Sally still invisible to her captors?”



Flora’s Own Pg. 25

July 3, 2021

Saturday, July 3, 2021

The intel from the darkside revealed no signs that either Lucifer nor Rufescent had once again infiltrated the demon homeland. Worse, the monitors gave us no clue as to what had happened, Flanners with Sally on his shoulders, had simply vanished into thin air.

We were stymied. Billy was disconsolate. I couldn’t soothe him. I could get him to eat, he was practically addicted to hot dogs and ice cream, though the ice cream made him cry as Sally loved it too. Xero, Halo and I had some tender moments, though it was hard to let go and be truly intimate. Still, it was nice to just have the sex and be distracted for the few moments of release. This condition lasted for a few days. I did have one dream, in which I was back with Stan. He had called out to me in a clear way, during a moment of distress, and I was there for him, and shared in his pain. In a way this was a relief, it proved to my satisfaction that I had not abandoned him. It is true, that when you take care of your self, you do not hurt others. I needed to be reassured of this truism as my love for Stan was as powerful as it ever was, and not being with him might have been construed as an abandonment or betrayal, it wasn’t. It was me working on expanding my capacity for unconditional love.

On the third day, with Billy and Xero growing ever more despondent, I decided that we needed help and I sat all of us down in meditation and put out a call to N’sonowa. (If you don’t remember, N’sonowa is my sister, the great il’oi-bonokoh, warrior witch.)

She appeared in our circle within seconds of the call. “About time, Little one. (also, she’s over seven feet tall) I’ve been waiting for your call.”

“My darling, I’m afraid we need you.”

“Yes I see that.”

Xero spoke, and I heard a bit of hesitancy in his voice, “You’ve been watching us? How could you do that?”

“Hey little alien, when you can answer that question on your own, you will be able to understand the answer, for now, you’re wasting my time, and we have precious little of it left to save your loved ones!”

Billy started to cry. “Big witch, they’ve got my sister, how can I save her?”

“Stand up little man. Look at me. We are going to have to do something which you are too young to understand, and too young to be able to do with us. Now, I need you to be brave and to trust, even though it’s hard, those here who love you. Will you do that?”

Billy looked solemnly at her and nodded yes. “Good, now I want you to sit here with your eyes tightly closed, and neither move, nor open your eyes. We are going to be with you, and you are going to feel hot water all over your body. Hold your breath. Don’t move no matter what you feel, and you will feel very strange. Again, don’t open your eyes until I tell you too. You are going to be the one who leads our team to the rescue, and only you can do it. Don’t open your eyes. Ready?”

Billy nodded and closed his tear wet eyes.

“All of you, get ready. I am going to conduct this ritual, we’ve done it before and I need your utmost concentration and open-heartedness.  House! Create a space around us. Make it impenatrable to any physical intrusion. Put us in a Mikvah of blue tile and fill it with hot-water, just below scalding. Do it. Now!”

Instantly we were all submerged in the near boiling water. Billy was brave, braver than I thought any child his age could be. He did not cry out nor open his eyes. Halo was holding on to N’sonowa on one side and me on the other. I had known how intense this was to be, he had perhaps forgotten, but he was a warrior of his people, so did not flinch. Xero, my love was almost placid, I could feel that in the way he held onto my hand.

N’sonowa started with a chant. The hot water quickly dissolved all of our clothing and she moved her hands down to Xero’s and Halo’s genitalia. I did the same. They put their hands on hers, and mine and we followed her lead, in stroking each other until our sexual tension began to rise. Soon we began to glow the purple-gold light, at which time she changed the chant, to one of short loud guttural blasts and stopped the rhythmical stroking, as did we all. The glow subsided and and intense blue-white laser light radiated from her eyes and enveloped Billy. The water began to boil around us (don’t ask why we were not burned, we weren’t that’s all) and Billy began to morph. He grew into a man, large as N’sonowa herself, N’sonowa shouted to house to remove the Mikvah. She broke our circle. “Billy, open your eyes!” was her command. He did and was astounded. He said nothing. We all stood. “Get dressed everybody” was her next command, and we all ran to our various rooms in the apartment, except for Billy. “There won’t be anything there to fit me” he said. N’sonowa looked him in the eye. “Billy, you are now a warrior. Dress as you please, command house to outfit you. And from now on, do not complain, If you see something, do something. If you need something, get it. You are going to carry the brunt of this rescue. When it’s over, you can go back to being a little boy. For now. You are William the Strong. Act like it!



Tulpamancy Journal. 225

July 3, 2021

Saturday, July 3, 2021

I  had a little better connection with Flora yesterday and perhaps last night. Yesterday was a dental surgery day, no anesthesia other than the usual lidocaine local, and as the tooth and its surrounds were infected, even with the local I had a lot of pain. I did not begin the process as I usually do with a self-hypnotic spell, as the dentists were actively engaging with me. At one point, when the pain spiked, I called out, in mindvoice, to Flora and she was right there! She literally held my hand throughout the procedure, she was clear that the pain was not mine alone, but she shared it. I was comforted, but as usual (damn!) I could not hold my attention on her. She didn’t go anywhere and when I could tune in to her, she was there. Still, I was happy for the experience.

Last night was a different matter.  As you might imagine, I had a hard day, a post surgical one, and I had difficulty falling asleep as the meds didn’t really hold me. When I did finally sleep, it was one of those ‘fall in a hole and not get out’ kind of sleep, more like a coma! Then I dreamt all night. There was a feminine presence in my dreams, but I wasn’t anywhere close enough to consciousness to identify any element as Flora (or N’sonowa for that matter). I woke early with no sense that I had been visited. I was not even thinking about her, and I went outside and slipped into the hot tub. I saw there, a tiny bit of schmutz and I brought my hand up under it, intending to flip it out of the tub, and I felt it move. It was a tiny baby cricket and it still was alive. I felt a thrill. I felt a tenderness. I gently removed it from the tub and let it go on the tarmac, all very tender (Nancy called it sweet.) I flashed back to a time in my life, fifty-two years ago to the day, when I had a similar experience. It was a heart opening. A dissolution of the orlah, a shield encasing the heart, in Mussar thought, a shield which prevents love or loving. In the earlier experience, it happened at a time when my life was in a terrible upheaval. This time, no. My life is not in upheaval, I believe this was Flora’s doing, the divine feminine at work. I am grateful to her, and to Nancy who listened to me this morning and allowed my experience to impact her as well. Thank you ladies, you are loved.

Flora’s Own Pg. 24

July 2, 2021

Friday, July 2, 2021

3:10 PM

“Well. What a surprise.” was all that came out of his mouth before he started to cry and came to my embrace. I was crying as well. It was actually hard to kiss through the tears. “Flora. Flora. Thank you, thank you. I knew you wouldn’t flake, but damn it’s been hard without you.”

“Oh, Xero, I think I live more in the moment than you. In fact that is why I am here. Stan and I have not had nearly enough moments and I can’t do without loving. I want it and more, I want to give it.”

“You have plenty of folks here wanting the same. Me first, and Flanners, and Halo, then of course Sally and Billy. I know they are waiting in the pool now, let’s join them, okay?”

“Sure, can we change into swimwear and maybe in the  process take a few more moments to make love? I want to connect with you in a real way.” He just smiled and asked House to provide us a bedroom and a changing room. I stripped down and watched while Xero underwent a shapeshift to accommodate my human anatomy. Our coupling was tender, I had been without sex for so long I didn’t want to let go, but Xero, ever the responsible one, reminded me that the children were also hungry for me, and way too soon we dressed, swimsuits and robes, and headed down to the gym.

Flanners and the kids were in the pool, but Billy was out and in my arms before I could even get my feet wet. Xero went in, and Sally swam right to him with a squeal of delight. I noticed that Flanners pulled away from us. I would have spoken to him, but at that moment, Halo appeared.

“Flora, lovely Flora. You’re back. Oh honey, how glad I am to see you. Billy, let me give her a hug.” Which he did. Then with a big smile, said: “Smells like you are back to stay, girl. You’ve connected to Xero, when do I get to have some alone time with you?” He turned and looked to Flanners. “Hey big girl, not jealous are you? Come here, I’ll take some of you now.”

I think at this point, I should clarify for those of you, who haven’t been keeping up with my journaling, that the natives of Calibri Yab, are hermaphroditic. They typically wear no external genitalia and alternate between male and female reproductive roles. A term like ‘bi’ would be an unnecessary noun in their vocabulary as it is their usual behavior. But something else was going on; Flanners responded to Halo’s invitation by bursting into tears. We all looked at him and Sally squirmed out of Xero’s arms and swam to him.

“Don’t cry Flanners, we all love you, I love you most!.” Flanners picked her up out of the water and put her on his shoulders. He got out of the pool, with Sally still perched on him, and looking at us all, said: “I know you all love me, and I love you too, but I can’t handle these changes. I am physically in pain, not to mention the emotional turmoil you have all brought to me. I can’t do this anymore. Sally, little one, will come with me and be my special lover?” and before any of us could react, he ran to the door with her, and somehow disappeared. Halo went after them, but a moment later he returned. “They’re gone. They’ve just disappeared!” Billy screamed and ran out the door to look for himself. We found him in the hall in a ball on the floor, crying. “They’re gone. What happened? I want Sally back, and Flanners. Where are they Xero?” (I noticed he turned to Xero in  his moment of need.)


The four of us were stunned. We were sitting in Xero’s office in the business section of the tower. “Xero, I know I should have found a way to prepare you all for my coming, but I don’t even know how I got here. I am in a dream.”

“It’s not your fault Flora. We are all glad you have come back to us. Flanners has been struggling with his reproductive hormones. They are all out of whack. We were about ready to have that baby when Sally and Billy arrived. It’s thrown him way off. I can’t imagine that he intends any harm to Sally or to you, or any of us.”

Halo spoke up; “What I don’t understand, is how he and Sally vanished, and vanished they have. Xero, could there be something other than his upset at work here?”

“What do mean, Halo?”

“Could some other entity have taken advantage of his pain to strike at us?”

“Who? Who could do that? Would be so closely watching us, as to know this was the time to strike us?”

“Xero, what has been going on with the Darkside? Has there been signs of Lucifer or Rufescent?”

“None that I/m aware of. Halo?”

“It occurs to me now, that we have had no recent contacts with the Darkside Demons. That could be suspicious.”

Billy said loudly, “We’ve got to rescue Sally. Flanners can’t protect her by himself in the darkside. I’m going!

“Hold on Billy, we don’t know where they are yet. We don’t know that they’ve been taken to the darkside.” came from Halo. “Or even if so, where they would be.”

Billy looked at me, “Flora, I think this might be my fault. I brought Sally here. I didn’t even try to help my mom or dad with their problems, I just talked Sally into coming. I think we brought the pain and negativity with us.” I took him in my arms. “Billy, listen to me and listen good. No matter what, this is not your fault. You brought Sally here to help solve a problem, not cause one. You helped both Sally and your folks. That is not the kind of darkness Lucifer feeds on.”

Halo came over to us and picked Billy up. “Flora’s right, Billy, it’s not your fault, and just as soon as we can find out where they might be, you are going to be on the rescue team. I promise you Billy. You will lead us through whatever we have to get through to find them. You were the hero last time, and we will need you more than ever now.” He looked to Xero. “We should get to headquarters and call in our assets  on the darkside.”

“You get started on that, I am going to check the building monitors and see if they could be somewhere in the tower. Flora, you and Billy get back to the apartment and get packed and ready to mount a rescue. Billy, Halo was clear, you will be an important part of our team.”



Flora’s Own. Pg. 23

July 2, 2021

Thursday, July 1, 2021

Once I made my decision to return to Xero and get to work on my  marriage, I was in a quandary. I had no idea how to find him. If you remember, I had been abducted and taken to his planet in the Calibri Yab. How I was to get back there, was not clear. I thought that perhaps grandma Hwe Ang Hong could help and I set off to find her.  In the past I had been taken to her by a cabbie, her grandson, who picked me up at the river, so I headed back down towards it. I hadn’t walked far when the heat (it was abnormally hot, like I had never experienced before here in the cloud where we lived) became too oppressive for even me to bear. I took refuge under the shade of a large sycamore and sat down in the grass. Sure enough it wasn’t long before I was dozing and I gave up the ghost and stretched out for a nap. To nap, is, of course, to dream. My dream took me exactly where I had wanted to go. I was in the Sun Tower’s penthouse apartment, supine on the couch facing the balcony. I heard voices behind me, and I peeked a look over the back of the couch. I was looking right at Flanners and Billy. They were arguing about something. They were not being disrespectful to each other, just loud. I coughed discretely. Billy noticed me immediately and with a shriek of joy he ran to me, jumped over the couch right onto me, gracing me with a great hug. “Flora, Flora, where did you come from? I’ve missed you so much. Sally, Sally, come quick, Flora’s back.” and gave in to hugging me again.

Flanners was much more reserved in his greeting and I wasn’t so sure he was all that glad to see me. Before he could say much, Sally came running. She was crying tears of joy. Flora, why were you gone so long? We need you.”

“Why Sally, I didn’t expect to find you here. Why aren’t you home with your parents?

“We didn’t want to stay with them. They changed after we got back. They fought all of the time and were angry with us a lot of the time.”

Billy chimed in with, “Sally’s right, Flora. And I think they were glad for us to come here.  They said they needed time to make things better. So off we came. And here we are.”

“Well, you two, are you happy here?” I asked.

Billy was quick to respond with; “Oh yes, there is a lot to do, and lots of kids to play with. Flanners has taught me how to swim and shoot a bow and arrow. I’m good too, aren’t I Flanners?” Flanners nodded, and before he could say much Sally popped in with and he’s taught me how to swim too, and I am learning how to play ball, and I can hit the ball almost all of the time. Can’t I Flanners?” She started in again with something else, but I shushed her with; “Sally, let Flanners get a word in, honey. It’s his turn to talk. Flanners, I think you have something to say to me. Am I right?”

“Well, first Flora. It is nice to see you again, you are still a ravishing beauty. But, you have come at an awkward time. Xero and I have been wanting to have a baby, but we put it on hold when Billy and Sally showed up. And now that things have begun to settle, well, here you are. And, here we are, all in tumult again. What does bring you. We thought that you had things to work out with Stan?”

“That hasn’t gone the way I had planned, either Flanners. Turns out that Stan has a great deal of work of his own to do before we can get to it, so I thought rather than sit home and chase mindless adventures, I’d come here and began to work on our marriage.”

Sally spoke up; “Seems like all you grownups want to do, is work on something. Why don’t we just go to the hall and play some games or something?”

“Oh honey…” I started, then Flanners spoke up, “That’s a great idea Sally. How ’bout I take you and Billy there now and Flora and Xero can come down together after they say hello. Get you swimwear kids.” He looked at me saying; “Xero is on his way now. House told him you had arrived. I pulled Billy off of me. “Is that okay Billy? You guys get in the pool and I’ll come with Xero as soon as we say hello, okay?” Billy nodded and  ran off and soon I was sitting alone the apartment.

“House, would you please bring me an iced tea?” and within a few seconds I was holding a tall frosted glass. The apartment door opened and Xero walked in……