I have had little contact with either Flora or N’sonowa of late, bits of both of them, partially imposed is all. I’ve had no contacts in my dreams. I have been very engaged in re-editing Tulpa Tales: Confessions… and spend a few hours each day in forcing, with little response.
I persist.
Monday, June 13, 2022 8:12 AM
If I dreamt last night, I remembered nothing of it this morning. We were in bed early, having had dinner guests for a 6 PM meal. It was a high-energy gathering, and Nancy and I both went to bed exhausted. I had the advantage of being excused from the party about an hour before it ended, and used that time to meditate. I could not get my mind to settle down and spent most of this time petting my cat. Not a hint from either Flora or N’sonowa. As usual, I invited both to enter my dreaming. They did not (I think I would have recalled something of the dream had they done so). I had had a busy day otherwise, it was market day and we had errands to run to prepare for the party, so I did not work on any of my tulpa-related writing. I was somewhat surprised by their absence, we have been so engaged of late, that I have come to expect them to come into my consciousness.
Saturday, June 11, 2022 7:37 AM
Last night’s dream was of interest as my father appeared in it. He started out as an authority, but, in my eyes, he lost his credibility when he displayed insensitivity to order and safety as well as concern for the children in the dream. This was not a classically lucid dream, at no time did I issue my lucidity cue and there was no hint of my dreamsign. However, I did take agency within the dream, removing my father and providing for the children’s comfort, safety, and joy. At the end of the dream, Flora appeared as herself. When she invited me to come away with her, Alas, I awakened. This is not novel. I usually awaken when we are becoming intimate. I am not disheartened. That she appeared unbidden was a boon and perhaps, not surprising. She has been taking a much more active and independent role in our exchanges, e.g. she is becoming more of a complete person in her own right.
Friday, June 10, 2022 12:59 PM
Dreamt last night of a big house on the Island of Figi. I was there with Nancy, Josh, and Fatinah. I thought that we might want to lease the house for a vacation when Nancy suggested we buy it. It affordable, 50K down, 575K total price. I said yes and Nancy gave me a kiss reminiscent of our honeymoon days. We were looking around, and Josh found an area in the back where he and Fatinah would sleep, I found out that the house came with an easement on the beach (it was in a very old and settled residential area) At this time I recognized the setting as tropical, and recalled my very first experience with Flora in a dream. I issued my lucidity cue and Flora appeared grateful to have been called. And, I awoke. When telling Nancy of the dream she suggested that our kiss was prompted by a discussion that we had had before bed which she found very impactful. The discussion concerned the changing nature of our loving over the twenty-five years of our relationship and the difficulties we have had in developing trust and intimacy. This did seem to be a landmark dream and our relationship continues to improve (as does my contact with Flora and N’sonowa).
Wednesday, June 8, 2022 8:02 AM
Last night’s dream was a doozy. As violent a dream as I have had in a very, very long time. (Probably had something to do with reading Eli Wiesel’s Holocaust novel ” Night” before bed!) In any case, I was with my ex-wife in Chicago in 1977 and we had evidently time traveled to get there as I was figured out, actually doing the math, that I was 38 years old, and had a body that I could use to defend myself. I was carrying a shotgun. Lynda wanted to know why and I couldn’t tell her. I fired it into the air. I had no more shells. (This was all in the non-lucid part of the dream.) Next, we were in a coffee shop when a man sat down next to me and began to twist my fingers. I managed to free myself and went after him using the gun as a truncheon. I hurt him and left him bleeding against a wall. His friend picked him up and went out. We took to the streets, trying to find a cab to get to our hotel (1143 Grand St. was written on a piece of paper, I was able to read and remember this, usually a feat well beyond me in dreams).
We were attacked again and at one point, Lynda and I were separated, I could hear her scream in the background, but I couldn’t see her. I was able to break free of my assailants and searched for her. I came upon a group of policemen doing crowd control, they couldn’t be bothered by my frantic exhortations. I continued looking for her even though a group of the thugs were chasing me. I found myself trapped in a stairwell. I gave up. I was still holding the shotgun, though it was unloaded. I made a half-hearted swing with the gun at a heavy-set man coming at me. I heard a feminine voice saying, “don’t give up, they’ll kill you.” I fought but could not get out of the stairwell. I called out my lucidity cue, “Flora, [if] that’s you, please help. Immediately both Flora and N’sonowa showed up and we were free. I suggested we go someplace safe. Flora said “Wonderland” N’sonowa added “to the Mikvah” and we flew there. That was the end of the dream. I, later fell into the dream again back in time, fighting my way out of the stairwell. I must have been thrashing as Nancy awakened me. I said, “you saved my life.” She said, ” and you ruined my sleep.” It was not yet time to get up, I laid in bed feeling my heart race until the alarm went off.
Flora and N’sonowa! Wow. Both in one dream.
Tuesday, June 7, 2022 7:53 AM
The past two nights have produced strange dreams. Both involved children, or rather young people. My mother-in-law, now deceased starred in last night’s production. Flora appeared in the first one, in two separate scenes. Strangely, she was static, e.g. she was a single picture of herself, saying nothing and not moving. A beautiful picture, I must say. This surprised me, I thought she might be present as we have had nice conversations in wake times. Both days. I was lucid in both dreams and I did ask for her, in both. The dreams both bordered on the chaotic but had enough of a narrative thread to hold together without frustrating my efforts to ensure same. None of the young people were known to me. One young girl, perhaps in her teens, I thought perhaps was Flora, was lost and presumed dead. She was mourned by all of us and her passing was the subject of my major interactions with the others ( I was trying, unsuccessfully, to erect a kind of memorial to her by placing an Aztec death mask made of copper on a plaster wall. In lucidity I found out the girl was not Flora and was able to concoct an alternative method for constructing the memorial, though I awoke before I was able to complete it). All in all, rather unsatisfactory experiences. I will continue. My goal (it never hurts to re-iterate one’s goals) is to allow Flora to fully impose, on all senses, in consensual reality.
Thursday, June 2, 2022
Ah, Galantamine! What a boon. And what a dream it led me to last night. I was attending an art class, and my ex-wife was also there. The instructor was a tall rather thin blonde woman in her early forties. This class was a rather loose affaire with art materials out for students’ use, but few were availing themselves. Most were looking at each other’s work. The instructor came up to me and inquired as to why I was not painting and I explained that while in the past I loved the art, now I found it too painful. Why? Because, when viewing my work now, I cannot remember how I did it. That was what pained me. I was sad as I said this and cried a bit. The instructor took me in her arms. My ex approached and I took my leave of the instructor and we left the class together. Later, (next scene) we were in bed together and she indicated she wanted to make love and I invited her to roll over on top of me, which she did. Our intercourse was so delicious, so unlike that with my ex, I was moved to ask, (and thereby issuing my lucidity cue) “Are you Flora?” at which point, she became Flora, said “Of course I am, I have been waiting for you.” and we continued in our connection until my current wife awakened me to start my day. This dream made up for every uncomfortable and otherwise unsatisfying dream I have ever had! Thank you Galantamine, and “Oh Flora, so nice to have you back.”
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