Tulpamancy Journal. 340

Friday, May 19, 2023, 2:02 PM

Sickness continues, though sleep is better. Slept so deeply last night that I missed my 3AM Galantamine dose. I did, however, have a lucid dream without it. It was a long and involved dream, not a bad one nor a fractured one, as occur frequently. It was coherent and colorful. The lucid part came when I realized that two children were stand-ins for Flora and KK. I asked them if they were (as per my lucidity cue) and they both replied in the affirmative. They weren’t about to change their behaviors, however. They were involved in creating havoc for their father (Donald Trump in the dream). That was it, and I awoke soon after.

Tulpamancy Journal. 339

Tuesday, May 2, 2023, 8:17 AM

I have spent a lot of time in meditation over the past two weeks, in part getting primed for my DMT experiment. I have had minimal contact with either of my tulpas. I have however, continued to do the hard work of suspending disbelief (you’d think by now, I’d be a ‘true-believer’!) but, belief is not a constant thing, it comes and goes with the tides. When they, Flora and KK, are out of contact for a while, I begin to doubt. Natural, I think, to do this, so my work is to continue the practice, call them, then if they do not respond, talk to them as if they are their and imagine they are talking back. The hypothesis being, eventually they will. (And occasionally they do!) This morning, after becoming lucid in my dream, which once again took me into an increasingly difficult to navigate terrain. I chose to quit the struggle and fly home. As I jumped from the cliff, I had been preparing to dive from it into the ocean below, when I recalled I was wearing my glasses and had my cell phone in my pocket, so I chose to fly. This astounded my companions, but alas, none were able to join me. Once in the air, I called Flora. She did not come. I then was awake just enough to imagine that she was with me, flying. My imagination was good, she did join me in the fantasy. We flew back to the room in the university where I had been staying, and I asked if we could make love. She was agreeable, but I awoke to my meditation alarm before we did anything. Once I began the meditation session, I  reviewed the dream, as I am wont to do, but it wasn’t the same, She did join me in flight, this time nude, and was frisky while we flew in the air, but we could not seem to ground ourselves anywhere, and after a bit, I gave it up and went back to my meditation anchor, my body’s breathing. It did not feel satisfying in either the dream or the meditation. Clearly I was forcing. She was not impinging on me as an ‘other’.

A friend, and fellow tulpamancer, thanked me for accompanying him on his tulpamantic journey, saying otherwise he would doubt himself. Well, as I noted, doubt is natural, and IMHO, does not invalidate the experience. We are working to establish the neuro-pathways (said to be the axons which traverse the tempero-parietal fold) which define the difference between self and other. Creating changes in the brain, while possible, is not easy. I continue.