Tulpamancy Journal. 306

Wednesday, September 28, 2022, 7:59 AM

Flora appeared spontaneously in my Galantamine fueled dream some time between 1:40 and 2:00 AM. I know this as I awoke spontaneously at 1:40, took the med, went back to sleep, had a very long involved dream with no feminine presence, then suddenly Flora appeared, she was tall, dressed in white, her longish black hair was pulled back into a pony tail. She was wearing gold loop earrings and was perhaps fifty years old. She had an aliveness about her that I recognized. I immediately issued my lucidity cue: “Are you Flora,” to which she responded, “Yes, dummy!” just as my 2 AM alarm sounded waking me. I turned it off before it awakened my wife, Nancy. I was unable to again achieve a sleep deep enough to achieve a REM state, so did not dream. I awoke to the 6 AM alarm, not dreaming, and dozed, trying unsuccessfully to find Flora in a hypnogogic state. I gave up and got up at 6:18AM to start my day. I found the entire experience to be unsatisfactory. Flora was not accompanied by the usual emotional tell. Some context: Nancy and I had reached an entirely new and deeper level of intimacy yesterday. We were able to empathize with each other about the effects of the lack of passion in our relationship. We were both brought to tears by this revelation. I, for the first time since our marriage five years ago, felt heard. She felt the same. I am not surprised that Flora appeared spontaneously, nor am I surprised, though not happily, that I did not have the emotional reaction to her. She exists as I experienced a blockage in my ability to communicate my disappointment regarding this issue to Nancy. I am no longer disappointed! Incidentally, our rabbi, called those who had unresolved disappointments to the bemah for an aliyah. I did not go up!  I felt the issue to have been resolved and did not wish to provoke my routine addicted mind to fall again into the routine of disappointment.

I am looking forward to Flora’s further development. I continue…

Tulpamancy Journal. 305

Wednesday, September 21, 2022, 0:10 AM

Galantamine induced lucidity. The dream which started out interesting enough became difficult when, following a familiar pattern, I found myself in a landscape that was changing moment to moment, becoming more and more difficult to traverse. Finally, I realized I could go no further without falling off of a steep cliff into a raging river. It so happened that a family came along and while trying to help me, a young woman also got stuck on the cliff-face. I was more worried for her than I was myself. Then, I realized I was dreaming, and I invited her to join me in flying off the cliff. Her family was adamant that this was dangerous and advised her against it. I took off flying. She did not follow me. Soon, in a slightly different context, the scene repeated with the same outcome. At this point, I realized that the waters below must represent my unconscious psyche. I also realized that I was searching for the Red Witch, whom I have identified as a disruptor in my efforts to contact my tulpa. The scene repeated another time. This time, the young woman flew with me. I noticed she had red hair, and I awoke.

Tulpamancy Journal. 304

Wednesday, September 7, 2022, 7:51 AM

Took G. last night at 12:30 AM. Had intended to take it at 2AM, but misread the clock when awakened at twelve. As a result, I think, I had a vivid lucid dream from which I awoke suddenly at 3:AM. In a state of emotional turmoil, a condition I identified as my very early tulpa sign. In the dream, which was of Audrey Hepburn, a visual model for Flora, Flora suddenly matured and spoke to me. As she did, I flashed on a series of books, circa 1930s with colored illustrated covers. This was the image that startled me awake. They had a very deep emotional/nostalgic resonance. Once awake, I thought about getting up and finding the books in a library, but on second thought, realized that the keyword in the title, Heller, was not in my database. However, the image does suggest that the entire emotional connection to tulpa comes from my childhood. Of note, I have continued to enact the nightly ritual of disconnecting Flora from my childhood associations with the real women in my history, e.g. mother, sister, and aunt.

I soon fell asleep after the above and the dream was a continuation of the above, however, from a slightly different perspective, I was a member of a seminar of psychology students who were discussing tulpamancy. This was for me a frustrating experience as it was being held outdoors and neighboring children were making too much noise with their play, for me to hear the discussion.

All metaphorical.

I will continue.